O Christmas Tree - a vigbean by shegollum
Dec. 6th, 2006 06:45 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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rugbytackleName: O Christmas Tree
Author: shegollum
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
A/N: If you don’t get by now that I make all this stuff up, you’re not paying attention. I don’t know these guys at all and have no idea how they spend their time or who they spend it with. It isn't with me, dammit! LOL. I just wish them well and hope they’re happy. This is simply brain candy.
O Christmas Tree
“Mind the fuckin’ tree, Viggo!”
“Oh, ya big baby, get on this side of it.”
“Trying to kill me…”
“If I was trying to ki—“
“Shut it.”
“I love you, Seanie.”
“Good thing, love. Can we give this up then and go buy a proper tree?”
“By that you mean a fake one?”
“Yeah, a fake one. A bloody tree that doesn’t smell and drip sap or have any live, fucking animals in it waiting to attack us in our sleep!”
“I think that’s a little extreme, city boy.”
“Well it’s whot I want.”
“A fake, fucking tree.”
“Yeah, a fake, fucking tree. Who’s the big baby now, ye tosser?”
“You have no Christmas spirit at all.”
“I do. I just don’t need to have me head knocked in to express it.”
“But the tree is the most important part.”
“Viggo.”
“Henry and I always used to get the tree together and he can’t make it home this year.”
“Vi—“
“I’ve had my eye on this particular tree all fuckin’ year.”
“Come ‘ere.”
“I’m all covered in sap.”
“And leaves. And grass. Or straw or something. And something – well, just something else. Plus you have a big axe.”
“You still like my big axe?”
“Stop looking so heartbroken, love. Of course, I still love your big axe. More than anything. I adore your big axe. Do you still like mine?”
“Yours is more of a hatchet.”
“Viggo!”
“What?! You need to get some fuckin’ Christmas cheer! Help me cut down the goddamn, fuckin’ piece of shit Christmas tree, for Chrissakes!”
“For the love of all that is holy! Ye can be so bloody stubborn! Give me the fuckin’ axe.”
“No. Not now. You’re yelling. I don’t want you to do it if you’re not going to enjoy it.”
“Ah, Viggo. Viggooooo, Viggo, Viggo.”
“Yes?”
“Alright. No more yelling. Christ. Please may I cut down the tree?”
“You did ask very nicely that time.”
“Aye, I did.”
“And I really do like your hatchet.”
“Vig.”
“So yeah. Here. Cut down the tree. But can you lose your shirt first? I wanna watch. That bitch in Lord Chatterley got to watch you chop wood.”
“It’s too bloody cold out here! I’ll be freezing my—“
“—hatchet off.”
“That’s it. Right there, Vig.”
“What’s it?”
“The tree will still be here in the morning. No need to take it down this instant. You, on the other hand…”
“I’ve been bad?”
“Ye might say.”
“Very bad? Terribly bad? Wretchedly, horribly bad?”
“Ye miserable prat! Ye snooped! Ye fucking snooped!”
“Did not! It was right there! I almost tripped over it! I could have been badly hurt, you know.”
“In the bloody attic? Behind that old bookcase with all your old record albums? Under the living room rug that ye won’t use but won’t get rid of either? Ye almost tripped over it?”
“Well!”
“Well what?”
“I thought…well, I needed…a…I needed a book…and I knew it had to—“
“That bookcase holds nothing but those old albums, Vig, and ye know it. And even if it did hold books, how or why would ye have ended up behind it digging under an old, dusty rug?”
“Okay. Okay. I may have snooped a little. What of it?”
“You’ve been bad, Vig.”
“That’s right. Very, very, very bad. ‘I need to be punished’ bad. ‘Tie me up and paddle me’ bad.”
“No tree tonight?”
“No. I’ve been entirely too bad. Tree’ll have to wait.”
“Quit bouncing, ye bloody lunatic. At least I know the gift would have been a hit, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“So ye know where the box is, I take it?”
“Yep!”
“And you’ll go get it and make yourself ready and wait for me in our room? But you’ll not open the box again until I’m there, is that understood?”
“Yes. Yes, sir.”
“Good lad. Here, take your axe.”
“Okay. And don’t forget to bring your hatchet!”
Author: shegollum
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
A/N: If you don’t get by now that I make all this stuff up, you’re not paying attention. I don’t know these guys at all and have no idea how they spend their time or who they spend it with. It isn't with me, dammit! LOL. I just wish them well and hope they’re happy. This is simply brain candy.
O Christmas Tree
“Mind the fuckin’ tree, Viggo!”
“Oh, ya big baby, get on this side of it.”
“Trying to kill me…”
“If I was trying to ki—“
“Shut it.”
“I love you, Seanie.”
“Good thing, love. Can we give this up then and go buy a proper tree?”
“By that you mean a fake one?”
“Yeah, a fake one. A bloody tree that doesn’t smell and drip sap or have any live, fucking animals in it waiting to attack us in our sleep!”
“I think that’s a little extreme, city boy.”
“Well it’s whot I want.”
“A fake, fucking tree.”
“Yeah, a fake, fucking tree. Who’s the big baby now, ye tosser?”
“You have no Christmas spirit at all.”
“I do. I just don’t need to have me head knocked in to express it.”
“But the tree is the most important part.”
“Viggo.”
“Henry and I always used to get the tree together and he can’t make it home this year.”
“Vi—“
“I’ve had my eye on this particular tree all fuckin’ year.”
“Come ‘ere.”
“I’m all covered in sap.”
“And leaves. And grass. Or straw or something. And something – well, just something else. Plus you have a big axe.”
“You still like my big axe?”
“Stop looking so heartbroken, love. Of course, I still love your big axe. More than anything. I adore your big axe. Do you still like mine?”
“Yours is more of a hatchet.”
“Viggo!”
“What?! You need to get some fuckin’ Christmas cheer! Help me cut down the goddamn, fuckin’ piece of shit Christmas tree, for Chrissakes!”
“For the love of all that is holy! Ye can be so bloody stubborn! Give me the fuckin’ axe.”
“No. Not now. You’re yelling. I don’t want you to do it if you’re not going to enjoy it.”
“Ah, Viggo. Viggooooo, Viggo, Viggo.”
“Yes?”
“Alright. No more yelling. Christ. Please may I cut down the tree?”
“You did ask very nicely that time.”
“Aye, I did.”
“And I really do like your hatchet.”
“Vig.”
“So yeah. Here. Cut down the tree. But can you lose your shirt first? I wanna watch. That bitch in Lord Chatterley got to watch you chop wood.”
“It’s too bloody cold out here! I’ll be freezing my—“
“—hatchet off.”
“That’s it. Right there, Vig.”
“What’s it?”
“The tree will still be here in the morning. No need to take it down this instant. You, on the other hand…”
“I’ve been bad?”
“Ye might say.”
“Very bad? Terribly bad? Wretchedly, horribly bad?”
“Ye miserable prat! Ye snooped! Ye fucking snooped!”
“Did not! It was right there! I almost tripped over it! I could have been badly hurt, you know.”
“In the bloody attic? Behind that old bookcase with all your old record albums? Under the living room rug that ye won’t use but won’t get rid of either? Ye almost tripped over it?”
“Well!”
“Well what?”
“I thought…well, I needed…a…I needed a book…and I knew it had to—“
“That bookcase holds nothing but those old albums, Vig, and ye know it. And even if it did hold books, how or why would ye have ended up behind it digging under an old, dusty rug?”
“Okay. Okay. I may have snooped a little. What of it?”
“You’ve been bad, Vig.”
“That’s right. Very, very, very bad. ‘I need to be punished’ bad. ‘Tie me up and paddle me’ bad.”
“No tree tonight?”
“No. I’ve been entirely too bad. Tree’ll have to wait.”
“Quit bouncing, ye bloody lunatic. At least I know the gift would have been a hit, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“So ye know where the box is, I take it?”
“Yep!”
“And you’ll go get it and make yourself ready and wait for me in our room? But you’ll not open the box again until I’m there, is that understood?”
“Yes. Yes, sir.”
“Good lad. Here, take your axe.”
“Okay. And don’t forget to bring your hatchet!”
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 12:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 10:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 08:44 am (UTC)Ewwww! Pun tax!! [pokes Sean]
Fun scene. :D
Angie
no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 10:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 05:49 pm (UTC)Angie
no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 10:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-11 11:27 pm (UTC)So happy that you liked this. It was fun!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-07 09:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-11 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 11:16 am (UTC)You are soo cool. You don't write very long fics, but they are always sooo perfect!!!
You rock!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-08 11:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-11 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-12 08:58 am (UTC)Thank you!!!
*hugs*