![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
mresundance.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rugbytackleI've been visiting this fine shrine o' smut for a year now, but never got around to joining. Have obviously given in to the siren call finally :).
Have also dug up some old smut as my first offering. Feedback is more than welcome.
What If . . . ?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lannacht
Pairing: A/B
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A traveling salesman, a flight attendant, and deja vou.
Disclaimer: Tolkien and some nobbs at New Line own them. I merely abuse them and get no profit from it, save in entertaining myself and scaring others.
What If . . .
. . . in his next life, Boromir was reincarnated into the modern world as Carl the flight attendant. His self-proclaimed goal is to get shagged rotten as many times as possible on a trip. He flits from row to row, eyeballing potentials. When he finds one, the cart is rolled out, and the question is asked: "Candy? Drinks? Peanuts? Blow job?"
Then, inevitably, Aragorn would be reborn into the modern day as Jack the traveling salesman. He likes to go around the world and sell rare and collectible dildos (eg, the special deluxe Bilbo Dildo*).
As fate would have it, one day Jack/Aragorn has just settled in for his flight - the plane has yet to take off, though it's prowling up the runway slowly. Jack/Aragorn hears something and looks up.
The flight attendant stutters: "B-blow - "
They attack each other in plan view of everyone. Mad man ravaging as the plane takes off into the wild blue younder. They plunder each other senseless, breaking all the world's Mile High Club records in one go.
Of course, Carl/Boromir is fired for breaking some FAA code written in point 5 font on the margin of page 1,277 of the rule-book about not "boarding passengers" during a flight. But, what the fuck (and that is exactly what they did), they don't care. Their flight landed in Vegas. When not boinking the brains out of each other, they wander around the town. They eventually get picked up by some guy with fancy sunglasses saying "You look a lot like those Lord of the Rings guys," who hires them on the spot.
Carl/Boromir and Jack/Aragorn live out the rest of this life playing their past selves at swhank Vegas hotel/attraction called "Minas Tirith".
And they live happily ever after, even if every time they do Boromir's death scene the deja vou is just a little too weird.
* Note: the collectible Biblo Dildo was a longrunning gag between a close friend and I at the time I wrote this. I mention this because I vaguely remember (was itcruisedirector??) someone writing something about dildos, and, it just happened include our friend, the Biblo Dildo.
Have also dug up some old smut as my first offering. Feedback is more than welcome.
What If . . . ?
Author:
lannachtPairing: A/B
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A traveling salesman, a flight attendant, and deja vou.
Disclaimer: Tolkien and some nobbs at New Line own them. I merely abuse them and get no profit from it, save in entertaining myself and scaring others.
What If . . .
. . . in his next life, Boromir was reincarnated into the modern world as Carl the flight attendant. His self-proclaimed goal is to get shagged rotten as many times as possible on a trip. He flits from row to row, eyeballing potentials. When he finds one, the cart is rolled out, and the question is asked: "Candy? Drinks? Peanuts? Blow job?"
Then, inevitably, Aragorn would be reborn into the modern day as Jack the traveling salesman. He likes to go around the world and sell rare and collectible dildos (eg, the special deluxe Bilbo Dildo*).
As fate would have it, one day Jack/Aragorn has just settled in for his flight - the plane has yet to take off, though it's prowling up the runway slowly. Jack/Aragorn hears something and looks up.
The flight attendant stutters: "B-blow - "
They attack each other in plan view of everyone. Mad man ravaging as the plane takes off into the wild blue younder. They plunder each other senseless, breaking all the world's Mile High Club records in one go.
Of course, Carl/Boromir is fired for breaking some FAA code written in point 5 font on the margin of page 1,277 of the rule-book about not "boarding passengers" during a flight. But, what the fuck (and that is exactly what they did), they don't care. Their flight landed in Vegas. When not boinking the brains out of each other, they wander around the town. They eventually get picked up by some guy with fancy sunglasses saying "You look a lot like those Lord of the Rings guys," who hires them on the spot.
Carl/Boromir and Jack/Aragorn live out the rest of this life playing their past selves at swhank Vegas hotel/attraction called "Minas Tirith".
And they live happily ever after, even if every time they do Boromir's death scene the deja vou is just a little too weird.
* Note: the collectible Biblo Dildo was a longrunning gag between a close friend and I at the time I wrote this. I mention this because I vaguely remember (was it
cruisedirector??) someone writing something about dildos, and, it just happened include our friend, the Biblo Dildo.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-04 05:36 pm (UTC)And completely insane.
LMAO, which was not an easy thing to do today, let me tell you.
Cheers.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 12:24 am (UTC)Yes. Yes, I've been told that about this piece on a number of occasions.
Glad you liked. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-12-04 11:06 pm (UTC)I can't stop laughing madly. *imagines a Las Vegas hotel a la Minas Tirith... imagines Minas Tirith a la Las Vegas...* I bet I'll giggle in my sleep. It's great. : )
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 12:28 am (UTC)Wonder if I could be movitivated to do a really bizarre AU spin-off with Sean and Viggo booking a room at the hotel Minas Tirith . . .
Ooooh. That is an EVIL and STRANGE thought.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 04:20 am (UTC)Too true! I'm sure Tolkien spent nights wrestling with the choice. "Should I have Borrie croak, or just go 'Oh, I'm not dead yet. 'S only a flesh wound!'."
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 03:09 am (UTC)*spews coke*
Classic. You rock. *g*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-05 04:16 am (UTC)Thank you!