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rugbytackleMaking Assumptions
By Alexa Bond 4/1/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real….you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B/Viggo
Summary: Sometimes things aren’t as you think…
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.150m.com/ ] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Warnings: RPS
Series: None.
Author’s notes: For Vivi because she inspired this with her amazing fic “Fragile”. I strongly suggest you go read it.
Great thanks to Carmen for beta! *big hug*
* * *
He had seemed like a vision from a dream or the answer to all Sean’s prayers. A strong man with a gentle spirit and a warm heart. Someone who cared for him, who quickly became a friend. Someone to confide in, someone to support him through yet another ugly breakup. Lost on a fantasy island far away from everything, Sean began to think that happiness might yet still be within his grasp.
Never once had he doubted that Viggo truly liked him, never once had he doubted his genuine concern. Their friendship forged a bond between them which was stronger than that, so much stronger. He had begun to consider whether his feelings ran deeper than friendship. At first he had fought that thought, afraid to ruin a perfect friendship but then he began to see the signs; caught himself worrying for Viggo when he was filming dangerous stunts, getting lost in his eyes, forgetting what to say when he looked at him and trying to cover it up as best he could. He found himself fascinated by everything Viggo did…found himself almost bragging about how amazing Viggo was, what a great artist, poet…often he had to tell himself to be quiet. He found himself smiling whenever he saw him and feel at ease and safe with him.
He had debated with himself for some time whether or not he should admit to his feelings. He didn’t want to ruin what they shared but he didn’t want to lose the chance of something better.
He didn’t have any concerns about the fact that Viggo was a man, though it had been a long time since he had been with a man. He had thought it had been a phase he had outgrown but now he began to see that he had just been waiting for the right man to come along.
Yet still he was nervous about leaving himself open to hurt. He had been burnt by love too many times to count so what would make this so different? Then he would catch the warmth in Viggo’s eyes and he would smile at him and fling his arm round Sean’s shoulder before they walked to the set. No, he didn’t have anything to worry about. Viggo did care for him. Though did he care for him in that way? He was pretty sure that at least some of the younger actors on the set were open to the idea of a relationship with another man but was Viggo? Just looking at him stole Sean’s breath away but it also gave him reason to worry because Viggo was man in every sense of the word. Looking at him everyone would agree he looked the part of a heterosexual man with a capital m.
Though that didn’t have to mean anything as Sean himself was well aware of. Viggo was also an artist and Sean had read an interview with Viggo somewhere where he had played with words, hinted that something might have happened during his filming of ‘The Prophecy’. Besides…weren’t artists supposed to be free in their love? Open-minded? Viggo had very liberal ideas both as a person and as an artist.
Having thought about it for a long time, Sean concluded that Viggo wouldn’t be offended by any approach he might make. Viggo might be a man in every sense of the word but he was also an artist in every sense of the word. Happy with his conclusion and certain that he had read the signals correctly, Sean had gone to Viggo’s house one night, smiling at the prospect of what was to come.
What happened next haunted Sean for a long time, still haunted him. He had done everything right…he was sure of it. He hadn’t pushed, he hadn’t come on too strong and he had been discreet. He had talked about his feelings first, tried to explain. Viggo had listened, always kind and there for him but, when he had taken this as a sign to move on, Viggo had drawn back. He had given Sean’s hand a quick and gentle squeeze but then said that he was sorry, he didn’t feel that way about him. He valued his friendship a lot and didn’t deny he felt deeply for Sean. But not like a lover.
Sean had felt it like a slap to the face, had just stood there, shocked and embarrassed. Viggo, so attuned to him, had noticed his discomfort at once and tried to soothe it; tried to explain. Told him that it didn’t matter, they could still be friends. Told him he had a lot of gay friends and that he didn’t mind. Told Sean that he could see how he could have misunderstood…it was a mistake easily made. But he had never in his life been with another man and had never had the desire to do so. He had found that as an artist and just by being himself many thought he had and he had found a slight suspicion like that didn’t hurt his career, on the contrary, and then he didn’t really mind what people thought, only he knew the truth anyway.
Sean had listened to Viggo’s words as if from miles away. He knew Viggo had tried to make things better but it had only made them worse. Viggo had never been with a man at all…never thought about it. What Sean had seen had only been his open-mindedness in general, something Viggo knew he could play at and get away with. It had just been Viggo being Viggo and nothing more. Nothing deeper. Never in his life had he felt so stupid or so humiliated which didn’t lessen because he knew he had been the one who had misinterpreted, he who had made assumptions based on everyone but Viggo himself.
Unable to stay any longer Sean had all but run out of the house and back to his place where he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol which had given him nothing but a terrible headache the day after.
Viggo never mentioned the incident after that, never changed behavior and so Sean fell back into the good friend role again. But now he was very conscious about what he said, how close he stood, how he behaved. Their friendship never got the easy and safe feel back again and Sean felt it was another relationship he had ruined. He had known his relationship with Viggo could be special, could last for a long time. Now, because of his advances, it had ended when filming had ended, not on bad terms at all, but the wall that had been created between them never went down and now Sean knew it never would.
Back home and alone, he thought maybe he could try to work through it all. Try to find the courage to love again. He wasn’t sure if he could or if he even should. So far his success rate in that department left a lot to be desired. With distance, the pain in his heart did lessen and so did the feeling of humiliation. But then from time to time he would hear Viggo’s name, see his face in a magazine, hear his voice on television and his heart would betray him again.
Thinking of what could have been was always pointless but sometimes such thoughts and images still haunted his dreams. Regrets always were so much more bitter to taste as time went by and Sean really regretted what had happened, wished he could take it back. No matter how painful it might be, at times he still wished he could have Viggo in his life in some way. Then reality returned and he knew he wouldn’t have been able to stand it, being so close yet so far away from him.
Yet he had been forever parted from him even when they had been together. Sean realized that now. He had been making assumptions…jumped to conclusions. He had seen what he had wished to see, what he had hoped to see and he had let his own desires ruin it all.
He sighed deeply. In time…in time he would be able to move on. Time did heal all wounds, he knew that better than most but right now….God, he wished time would hurry up and get on with it ‘cause this was a pain he didn’t mind being without. Thinking of what could have been, what he had lost…yes, that pain he didn’t need at all. Still, he couldn’t keep from thinking that no matter how painful…. meeting Viggo had still been one of the greatest things he had ever done.
The End
By Alexa Bond 4/1/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real….you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B/Viggo
Summary: Sometimes things aren’t as you think…
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.150m.com/ ] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Warnings: RPS
Series: None.
Author’s notes: For Vivi because she inspired this with her amazing fic “Fragile”. I strongly suggest you go read it.
Great thanks to Carmen for beta! *big hug*
* * *
He had seemed like a vision from a dream or the answer to all Sean’s prayers. A strong man with a gentle spirit and a warm heart. Someone who cared for him, who quickly became a friend. Someone to confide in, someone to support him through yet another ugly breakup. Lost on a fantasy island far away from everything, Sean began to think that happiness might yet still be within his grasp.
Never once had he doubted that Viggo truly liked him, never once had he doubted his genuine concern. Their friendship forged a bond between them which was stronger than that, so much stronger. He had begun to consider whether his feelings ran deeper than friendship. At first he had fought that thought, afraid to ruin a perfect friendship but then he began to see the signs; caught himself worrying for Viggo when he was filming dangerous stunts, getting lost in his eyes, forgetting what to say when he looked at him and trying to cover it up as best he could. He found himself fascinated by everything Viggo did…found himself almost bragging about how amazing Viggo was, what a great artist, poet…often he had to tell himself to be quiet. He found himself smiling whenever he saw him and feel at ease and safe with him.
He had debated with himself for some time whether or not he should admit to his feelings. He didn’t want to ruin what they shared but he didn’t want to lose the chance of something better.
He didn’t have any concerns about the fact that Viggo was a man, though it had been a long time since he had been with a man. He had thought it had been a phase he had outgrown but now he began to see that he had just been waiting for the right man to come along.
Yet still he was nervous about leaving himself open to hurt. He had been burnt by love too many times to count so what would make this so different? Then he would catch the warmth in Viggo’s eyes and he would smile at him and fling his arm round Sean’s shoulder before they walked to the set. No, he didn’t have anything to worry about. Viggo did care for him. Though did he care for him in that way? He was pretty sure that at least some of the younger actors on the set were open to the idea of a relationship with another man but was Viggo? Just looking at him stole Sean’s breath away but it also gave him reason to worry because Viggo was man in every sense of the word. Looking at him everyone would agree he looked the part of a heterosexual man with a capital m.
Though that didn’t have to mean anything as Sean himself was well aware of. Viggo was also an artist and Sean had read an interview with Viggo somewhere where he had played with words, hinted that something might have happened during his filming of ‘The Prophecy’. Besides…weren’t artists supposed to be free in their love? Open-minded? Viggo had very liberal ideas both as a person and as an artist.
Having thought about it for a long time, Sean concluded that Viggo wouldn’t be offended by any approach he might make. Viggo might be a man in every sense of the word but he was also an artist in every sense of the word. Happy with his conclusion and certain that he had read the signals correctly, Sean had gone to Viggo’s house one night, smiling at the prospect of what was to come.
What happened next haunted Sean for a long time, still haunted him. He had done everything right…he was sure of it. He hadn’t pushed, he hadn’t come on too strong and he had been discreet. He had talked about his feelings first, tried to explain. Viggo had listened, always kind and there for him but, when he had taken this as a sign to move on, Viggo had drawn back. He had given Sean’s hand a quick and gentle squeeze but then said that he was sorry, he didn’t feel that way about him. He valued his friendship a lot and didn’t deny he felt deeply for Sean. But not like a lover.
Sean had felt it like a slap to the face, had just stood there, shocked and embarrassed. Viggo, so attuned to him, had noticed his discomfort at once and tried to soothe it; tried to explain. Told him that it didn’t matter, they could still be friends. Told him he had a lot of gay friends and that he didn’t mind. Told Sean that he could see how he could have misunderstood…it was a mistake easily made. But he had never in his life been with another man and had never had the desire to do so. He had found that as an artist and just by being himself many thought he had and he had found a slight suspicion like that didn’t hurt his career, on the contrary, and then he didn’t really mind what people thought, only he knew the truth anyway.
Sean had listened to Viggo’s words as if from miles away. He knew Viggo had tried to make things better but it had only made them worse. Viggo had never been with a man at all…never thought about it. What Sean had seen had only been his open-mindedness in general, something Viggo knew he could play at and get away with. It had just been Viggo being Viggo and nothing more. Nothing deeper. Never in his life had he felt so stupid or so humiliated which didn’t lessen because he knew he had been the one who had misinterpreted, he who had made assumptions based on everyone but Viggo himself.
Unable to stay any longer Sean had all but run out of the house and back to his place where he had drowned his sorrows in alcohol which had given him nothing but a terrible headache the day after.
Viggo never mentioned the incident after that, never changed behavior and so Sean fell back into the good friend role again. But now he was very conscious about what he said, how close he stood, how he behaved. Their friendship never got the easy and safe feel back again and Sean felt it was another relationship he had ruined. He had known his relationship with Viggo could be special, could last for a long time. Now, because of his advances, it had ended when filming had ended, not on bad terms at all, but the wall that had been created between them never went down and now Sean knew it never would.
Back home and alone, he thought maybe he could try to work through it all. Try to find the courage to love again. He wasn’t sure if he could or if he even should. So far his success rate in that department left a lot to be desired. With distance, the pain in his heart did lessen and so did the feeling of humiliation. But then from time to time he would hear Viggo’s name, see his face in a magazine, hear his voice on television and his heart would betray him again.
Thinking of what could have been was always pointless but sometimes such thoughts and images still haunted his dreams. Regrets always were so much more bitter to taste as time went by and Sean really regretted what had happened, wished he could take it back. No matter how painful it might be, at times he still wished he could have Viggo in his life in some way. Then reality returned and he knew he wouldn’t have been able to stand it, being so close yet so far away from him.
Yet he had been forever parted from him even when they had been together. Sean realized that now. He had been making assumptions…jumped to conclusions. He had seen what he had wished to see, what he had hoped to see and he had let his own desires ruin it all.
He sighed deeply. In time…in time he would be able to move on. Time did heal all wounds, he knew that better than most but right now….God, he wished time would hurry up and get on with it ‘cause this was a pain he didn’t mind being without. Thinking of what could have been, what he had lost…yes, that pain he didn’t need at all. Still, he couldn’t keep from thinking that no matter how painful…. meeting Viggo had still been one of the greatest things he had ever done.
The End
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-10 09:27 pm (UTC)Dear god, please give this a happy ending. Please.
Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 01:54 pm (UTC)*blushes* I think that's more than anyone has ever read anything of mine. I'm deeply honoured to hear that.
and I still can't find the words to say what this fic does to me. I'm actually crying now. Isn't it strange how mere words on a computer screen can move you to such great emotion?
*blushes* Your words honoured me
I feel so much for Sean and pity him.
*smiles* Thank you; I'm happy my words could move you so much.
Dear god, please give this a happy ending. Please.
I'm sorry but I can't. I was unhappy and so this was unhappy. But I'll write a new and happy fic for you instead. *warm smile*
Thanks so much for your great FB; it means the world to me!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 01:18 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 02:05 pm (UTC)Oh, I did something right! First good news all week *smiles*
And we're tuning in to the same channel, too: I was thinking just the other night that it's very rare to find Viggo written as straight ...
Thank you
Poor Sean! This is truly sad, not least because of the whole role-reversal:
Thanks again.
it's a mirror of 'Fragile', really, and yet the emotions are quite different.
*warm smile* Thanks again.
Thanks so much for your kind FB; it means so much to me.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 03:05 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 02:11 pm (UTC)*blushes* I'm honoured my words could move you so.
That is just so sad it hurts.
Thanks
You do that to me every time you write a fic.
*blushes and smiles warmly* You give me great credit and I thank you.
I have to go back and re-read again.
Thank you!
Anyway, love this! :)
Thanks so much! You're such an angel to me.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 04:26 am (UTC)I'm tired and must get to bed, but I had to tell you how much I truly *love* it!
Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 02:22 pm (UTC)*blushes* Thank you!
Just the way you capture and express Sean's thoughts and emotions leave me in awe.
*blushes again* I'm honoured to hear that.
I find it *so* powerful and deeply affecting.
*beams* Thanks again.
I'm tired and must get to bed,
Sweet dreams, lovely *warm look*
but I had to tell you how much I truly *love* it!
And your kind words made my day. Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-11 01:02 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 02:46 pm (UTC)Thank you
and how interesting to read a fic in which viggo is straight. not too many of those around *g*
I know....one of the reasons I wrote it *G*
nicely done.
Thanks so much! Your kind words means a lot to me!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 09:55 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-12 02:49 pm (UTC)Thank you
Intriguing to see Viggo as the unrequited love interest.
*smiles* Thanks
One can hope that as time heals all wounds it might also work its magic on Vig and let him see what he's losing. *sigh*
One can hope...
Thanks so much for your kind FB; it means the world to me.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 08:52 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-13 03:26 pm (UTC)Oh, so sad! I can't believe I missed this until just now. Poor Sean.
Thank you.
Actually, that's one of the most interesting things about this story- I almost never see a story where Sean is rejected by Viggo.
Neither had I. I always try to write things which haven't been done a 100 times already so...*G*
It's intriguing to see.
Thanks again
This was very realistic and I thank you for it! :)
*blushes* My pleasure.
Thanks so much for your great FB; it means the world to me!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 08:07 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-04-15 01:14 am (UTC)*blush* Thanks
I could start listing the reasons why I love this story but I couldn't quite find the right words.
I would have loved to hear them *smiles*
I really love the way you wrote Sean's emotions in that story.
Thank you
Very good story. I love it.
*warm smile* Thanks so much!
Your kind FB means the world to me and keeps me writing.