![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
alexabond.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rugbytackleSometimes You Have To Let Go
By Alexa Bond 1/30/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real….you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B./Orli, Sean B/Viggo
Summary: Letting go or hanging on? It’s all so bloody hard.
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.50megs.com/] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Warnings: RPS
Series: Sequel to “The Past Never Lets Go”. Part 5 in “This Thing Called Love”.
Author’s notes: More Viggo in this part…what can I say? He’s good for Sean.
Thanks much to Piex for beta. *hugs*
* * *
The front door opened, then slammed shut. Viggo winced at the sound as he stood up in Sean’s kitchen. He had decided to drink a cup of coffee before leaving Sean’s house, torn between hoping everything would work out between Sean and Orli and wanting it not to so he didn’t lose Sean… only trouble was Sean had never been his to lose in the first place.
“Bloody stupid!” Viggo heard Sean swear, probably a little louder than he had intended.
“Sean? You all right?” Viggo went to stand in the doorframe to the kitchen, his eyes settling on Sean as the other man drew nearer. One look at Sean’s face was enough to tell Viggo that everything was far from all right.
“Do I look alright?” Sean snapped, then winced as his own loud voice came back to haunt him, making his headache even worse than it already was.
“Come here,” Viggo’s voice was low and soft as he guided his friend into the kitchen and placed him on a chair. “Sit still,” he ordered as he went to the bathroom to find a clean washcloth. With Sean’s eyes following his every movement, he turned on the cold water in the kitchen, put the cloth under it and then handed Sean the wet cloth. “Put it on your forehead,” he said unnecessarily.
“Thanks,” Sean put the cloth on his forehead and almost sighed in pleasure at the coldness against his skin, easing the worst of his headache. Sean leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He must have dozed off because next thing he noticed was a pleasant smell of freshly made tea and coffee filling the air. He opened his eyes and sat up straighter to see that Viggo had seated himself across from him, a cup of tea in front of Sean and a cup of coffee in front of Viggo. Sean put the cloth away on the far side of the table and they both took a slip of their beverages in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable. Sean didn’t feel like Viggo was trying to pressure him into telling what had happened yet he was here…willing to listen should he wish to talk. He wasn’t sure he wanted to or needed to talk about it before words began to leave his lips.
“I told him how I feel,” Sean’s words broke the silence, the only other sound the clock on the wall.
“He didn’t return your feelings I take it?” Viggo asked softly, his voice and eyes sympathetic though he had to fight down a feeling of happiness as he reached over the table and gave Sean’s hand a short but reassuring squeeze. He had to admit he wasn’t, overall, surprised at the news if he tried to think about it without his own emotions for Sean clouding his perception. Orli was his friend and he liked the young man a lot, but he couldn’t see Orli settle down with anyone. He seemed too carefree for that. He had a feeling Orli’s carefreeness and unwillingness to bond might have deeper roots in a past hurt -- but if he couldn’t open up then it really didn’t matter much; whoever he was with would end up hurting him and leaving him. And if not, as he had done with Sean, he hurt and left them first. Viggo ran a hand through his hair and shook his head; why did love always have to be so damn complicated?
“To be honest I don’t know,” Sean admitted, the confusion clear in his voice. “Everything is so… hazy. This headache isn’t helping either,” Sean smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Has he ever told you he loves you?” Viggo asked carefully, not sure how far to go into this. Sean had just been through his third divorce and something told him that Orli quite possibly was the first man he had been with… His mind had to be a very confused place right now.
“No but you said yourself maybe he just needs time and besides… maybe… you know… men don’t… to each other,” Sean got the words out, his cheeks hot and his eyes lowered.
He blushes prettily, Viggo thought before he could help himself.
“Sean…there aren’t any rules about that just because you’re with a man instead of a woman. Men do say ‘I love you’ to each other,” Viggo explained softly.
“Have you ever…?” Sean’s green eyes were on him now, something in them pleading with him to answer yes, pleading with him to lay deep fears to rest -- fears, doubts and insecurities.
“Been with a man?” Viggo finished for him. Sean nodded. “Yes, a few. In my youth before I married.”
Sean drew a relieved breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
“You’re not used to any of this, are you?” Viggo’s voice was very soft and kind now. “This is all new to you… Have you even come to terms with the fact that Orlando is a man?”
The way Sean’s eyes flew up at that answered Viggo’s question. So much fear and doubt in those green depths.
“It’s all right… it’s not wrong, there’s nothing wrong in it. It doesn’t mean you’re gay… just… free in your love,” Viggo explained softly. He had never liked to label things and hoped that this view would help Sean.
“I’m a fool, Vig. Everything I touch falls apart. Everyone I love leaves me,” the words were so softly spoken that Viggo nearly didn’t catch them. Sean wasn’t sure why he admitted that… all those fears he had kept within himself. Suddenly it all became too much. His head felt like it should explode, he felt sleepy, his heart was breaking, his confidence had been lost somewhere between the third divorce and Orli’s withdrawal and his pride – that had been left behind some trailers as Orli walked away.
“Not everyone leaves you, Sean. I won’t leave you,” Viggo promised warmly and stood up to give Sean a big and warm hug. “Come… Let’s get you to bed,” he said softly and half carried Sean to his bedroom.
“He doesn’t love me,” Sean mumbled against Viggo’s shoulder. Being in Viggo’s embrace felt so natural… So free, with no barriers. He didn’t stop to think but moved in closer. Viggo’s arms closed briefly around him. Sean made a small noise of protest as Viggo’s warm arms left him only to find himself being helped into bed. Viggo lifted up the sheets and Sean kicked off his shoes to get under the covers.
“Maybe it’s time to let go,” Viggo said softly into Sean’s ear.
“I don’t know if I can,” Sean mumbled, his eyes half shut as he fought to stay awake for just a little longer. He felt so drained after all the emotions he had gone through in such a short while, the alcohol from the night before not helping either.
“You can. I’ll help you in whatever way you want me to,” Viggo promised as he put the sheets up around Sean. He should have been undressed but it didn’t really matter now. Viggo drew back to leave Sean to sleep in peace but Sean was quicker as his hand shot out and caught hold of Viggo’s, drawing him down to sit on the bedside again.
“Stay,” he whispered, the pain and confusion in his mind making him speak more freely than he normally did. Viggo smiled softly and kicked off his shoes before he got in under the covers beside Sean.
“Always,” Viggo whispered and kissed Sean’s forehead but the other man was already asleep, having probably not heard Viggo’s answer. Viggo lay his right arm loosely around Sean and stroked his hair as he lay down beside him, for a while just admiring him as he slept. He looked so much younger, more at peace in sleep. His mind and heart wasn’t burdened or heavy now and his closed eyes didn’t reveal the haunted look he had borne earlier.
“Sleep now. I’m here,” Viggo whispered and felt a surge of warmth and peace fall over him as sleep claimed him too.
The End
TBC in “Healing A Broken Dream”.
By Alexa Bond 1/30/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real….you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B./Orli, Sean B/Viggo
Summary: Letting go or hanging on? It’s all so bloody hard.
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.50megs.com/] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Warnings: RPS
Series: Sequel to “The Past Never Lets Go”. Part 5 in “This Thing Called Love”.
Author’s notes: More Viggo in this part…what can I say? He’s good for Sean.
Thanks much to Piex for beta. *hugs*
* * *
The front door opened, then slammed shut. Viggo winced at the sound as he stood up in Sean’s kitchen. He had decided to drink a cup of coffee before leaving Sean’s house, torn between hoping everything would work out between Sean and Orli and wanting it not to so he didn’t lose Sean… only trouble was Sean had never been his to lose in the first place.
“Bloody stupid!” Viggo heard Sean swear, probably a little louder than he had intended.
“Sean? You all right?” Viggo went to stand in the doorframe to the kitchen, his eyes settling on Sean as the other man drew nearer. One look at Sean’s face was enough to tell Viggo that everything was far from all right.
“Do I look alright?” Sean snapped, then winced as his own loud voice came back to haunt him, making his headache even worse than it already was.
“Come here,” Viggo’s voice was low and soft as he guided his friend into the kitchen and placed him on a chair. “Sit still,” he ordered as he went to the bathroom to find a clean washcloth. With Sean’s eyes following his every movement, he turned on the cold water in the kitchen, put the cloth under it and then handed Sean the wet cloth. “Put it on your forehead,” he said unnecessarily.
“Thanks,” Sean put the cloth on his forehead and almost sighed in pleasure at the coldness against his skin, easing the worst of his headache. Sean leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He must have dozed off because next thing he noticed was a pleasant smell of freshly made tea and coffee filling the air. He opened his eyes and sat up straighter to see that Viggo had seated himself across from him, a cup of tea in front of Sean and a cup of coffee in front of Viggo. Sean put the cloth away on the far side of the table and they both took a slip of their beverages in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable. Sean didn’t feel like Viggo was trying to pressure him into telling what had happened yet he was here…willing to listen should he wish to talk. He wasn’t sure he wanted to or needed to talk about it before words began to leave his lips.
“I told him how I feel,” Sean’s words broke the silence, the only other sound the clock on the wall.
“He didn’t return your feelings I take it?” Viggo asked softly, his voice and eyes sympathetic though he had to fight down a feeling of happiness as he reached over the table and gave Sean’s hand a short but reassuring squeeze. He had to admit he wasn’t, overall, surprised at the news if he tried to think about it without his own emotions for Sean clouding his perception. Orli was his friend and he liked the young man a lot, but he couldn’t see Orli settle down with anyone. He seemed too carefree for that. He had a feeling Orli’s carefreeness and unwillingness to bond might have deeper roots in a past hurt -- but if he couldn’t open up then it really didn’t matter much; whoever he was with would end up hurting him and leaving him. And if not, as he had done with Sean, he hurt and left them first. Viggo ran a hand through his hair and shook his head; why did love always have to be so damn complicated?
“To be honest I don’t know,” Sean admitted, the confusion clear in his voice. “Everything is so… hazy. This headache isn’t helping either,” Sean smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Has he ever told you he loves you?” Viggo asked carefully, not sure how far to go into this. Sean had just been through his third divorce and something told him that Orli quite possibly was the first man he had been with… His mind had to be a very confused place right now.
“No but you said yourself maybe he just needs time and besides… maybe… you know… men don’t… to each other,” Sean got the words out, his cheeks hot and his eyes lowered.
He blushes prettily, Viggo thought before he could help himself.
“Sean…there aren’t any rules about that just because you’re with a man instead of a woman. Men do say ‘I love you’ to each other,” Viggo explained softly.
“Have you ever…?” Sean’s green eyes were on him now, something in them pleading with him to answer yes, pleading with him to lay deep fears to rest -- fears, doubts and insecurities.
“Been with a man?” Viggo finished for him. Sean nodded. “Yes, a few. In my youth before I married.”
Sean drew a relieved breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
“You’re not used to any of this, are you?” Viggo’s voice was very soft and kind now. “This is all new to you… Have you even come to terms with the fact that Orlando is a man?”
The way Sean’s eyes flew up at that answered Viggo’s question. So much fear and doubt in those green depths.
“It’s all right… it’s not wrong, there’s nothing wrong in it. It doesn’t mean you’re gay… just… free in your love,” Viggo explained softly. He had never liked to label things and hoped that this view would help Sean.
“I’m a fool, Vig. Everything I touch falls apart. Everyone I love leaves me,” the words were so softly spoken that Viggo nearly didn’t catch them. Sean wasn’t sure why he admitted that… all those fears he had kept within himself. Suddenly it all became too much. His head felt like it should explode, he felt sleepy, his heart was breaking, his confidence had been lost somewhere between the third divorce and Orli’s withdrawal and his pride – that had been left behind some trailers as Orli walked away.
“Not everyone leaves you, Sean. I won’t leave you,” Viggo promised warmly and stood up to give Sean a big and warm hug. “Come… Let’s get you to bed,” he said softly and half carried Sean to his bedroom.
“He doesn’t love me,” Sean mumbled against Viggo’s shoulder. Being in Viggo’s embrace felt so natural… So free, with no barriers. He didn’t stop to think but moved in closer. Viggo’s arms closed briefly around him. Sean made a small noise of protest as Viggo’s warm arms left him only to find himself being helped into bed. Viggo lifted up the sheets and Sean kicked off his shoes to get under the covers.
“Maybe it’s time to let go,” Viggo said softly into Sean’s ear.
“I don’t know if I can,” Sean mumbled, his eyes half shut as he fought to stay awake for just a little longer. He felt so drained after all the emotions he had gone through in such a short while, the alcohol from the night before not helping either.
“You can. I’ll help you in whatever way you want me to,” Viggo promised as he put the sheets up around Sean. He should have been undressed but it didn’t really matter now. Viggo drew back to leave Sean to sleep in peace but Sean was quicker as his hand shot out and caught hold of Viggo’s, drawing him down to sit on the bedside again.
“Stay,” he whispered, the pain and confusion in his mind making him speak more freely than he normally did. Viggo smiled softly and kicked off his shoes before he got in under the covers beside Sean.
“Always,” Viggo whispered and kissed Sean’s forehead but the other man was already asleep, having probably not heard Viggo’s answer. Viggo lay his right arm loosely around Sean and stroked his hair as he lay down beside him, for a while just admiring him as he slept. He looked so much younger, more at peace in sleep. His mind and heart wasn’t burdened or heavy now and his closed eyes didn’t reveal the haunted look he had borne earlier.
“Sleep now. I’m here,” Viggo whispered and felt a surge of warmth and peace fall over him as sleep claimed him too.
The End
TBC in “Healing A Broken Dream”.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 04:45 am (UTC)“Sleep now. I’m here,” Viggo whispered and felt a surge of warmth and peace fall over him as sleep claimed him too.
Lovely! *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:10 pm (UTC)Will work on it!
And this line made me all warm and fuzzy:
“Sleep now. I’m here,” Viggo whispered and felt a surge of warmth and peace fall over him as sleep claimed him too.
Lovely! *hugs*
*blushes and smiles* Thanks so much!
Thanks for your kind FB. It means the world to me *blows a kiss*
Btw...love your icon!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:21 pm (UTC)Your very much welcome! :)
Btw...love your icon!
Oh thank you much! Came from Sharpe's Sword right after he sat on the bagpipes and then the major asked if he wanted to hear him play something on the bagpipes or would he rather go on a dangerous mission...he makes that priceless face and says "Dangerous mission." hehehehe
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:31 pm (UTC)Welcome
Came from Sharpe's Sword right after he sat on the bagpipes and then the major asked if he wanted to hear him play something on the bagpipes or would he rather go on a dangerous mission...he makes that priceless face and says "Dangerous mission." hehehehe
*grins* I love that too. I love all the Sharpe films...I actually saw SB in Sharpe and other movies when I heard he was in LOTR I went to see it because I loved Bean's portray of my beloved Sharpe (I read the books first) so I thought he'll bring justice to this other book made into film as well...Anyway, long story. Just wanted to say that I agree; Sharpe is great!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 05:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:13 pm (UTC)*deep blush* Thanks so much!
Thanks again for your kind FB. You brightened my day! *blows a kiss*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:18 pm (UTC)- One of me favorites, I tell yarh.
*beams* Thanks so much!
Aww..pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseoh
pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease
contiue! I can't wait what will happen next.
*blushes* Thanks, lov.
it's your fault i'm hooked into this...
I'm honoured to hear that.
Thanks so much for your kind FB. You make me keep writing. Thanks again, angel *blows a kiss*
*hugs*
*big hug back*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 07:02 am (UTC)- One of me favorites, I tell yarh.
Aww..pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseoh
pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease
contiue! I can't wait what will happen next.
it's your fault i'm hooked into this...
*hugs*
FOR GONDOR!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 10:32 am (UTC)I especially liked the fact that Viggo questions Sean - ie, about "has Sean accepted yet that Orli is a guy"? It's a nice touch of realism to the situation.
“It’s all right . . . it’s not wrong, there’s nothing wrong in it. It doesn’t mean you’re gay . . . just . . . free in your love,” Viggo explained softly. He had never liked to label things and hoped that this view would help Sean.
I am personally yours forever because of this paragraph. Yay for tossing out the labels and accepting love that goes beyond boundaries! Woot!
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:23 pm (UTC)*deep blush* Your kind words has made my week! Thanks so much!
I especially liked the fact that Viggo questions Sean - ie, about "has Sean accepted yet that Orli is a guy"? It's a nice touch of realism to the situation.
*blushes and beams* Thanks so much, lov.
He had never liked to label things and hoped that this view would help Sean.
I am personally yours forever because of this paragraph. Yay for tossing out the labels and accepting love that goes beyond boundaries! Woot!
Thanks so much! I have personal reasons to agree with the view I gave Viggo here. Love is love...why should it be labelled?
Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean the world to me...More than I can say. Thank you! *blows kisses*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 12:11 pm (UTC)lovely, btw. now go and make him better! *promisses cookies*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:26 pm (UTC)*grins* As sick as me who wrote it?
lovely, btw. now go and make him better! *promisses cookies*
Cookies? I'll do anything for cookies *grins*
Thanks so much for your great FB. *blows kisses*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 02:44 pm (UTC)Time share... hint, hint, hint...
no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 01:46 am (UTC)*blushes and beams* Thanks so much.
Time share... hint, hint, hint...
*LOL* But then poor Lij will be sad... ;)
Thanks so much for your kind FB *hugs and kisses*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 09:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-04-17 01:00 am (UTC)*LOL* You do know you make it hard for me to make everyone happy, right? Some people actually want Lij to be happy with Orli...*laughs*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-17 11:13 am (UTC)But... but... no... ewww.... Hobbits, having sex... with the elf... *shivers*
*grin*
no subject
Date: 2004-04-14 03:07 pm (UTC)I just want to gather Sean in my arms and make the pain go away. Barring that, I want Viggo to do it.
Looking forward to the next piece.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-15 01:49 am (UTC)*blushes* Thanks, lov
Sean always comes across as such a tough, macho guy, but I can absolutely see him responding this way -- hurt, unsure, ego-crushed -- if he fell in love with a man who rejected his feelings.
Thank you. That means a lot to hear.
It just puts even more poignancy into the story. And Viggo, in love and wanting so hard, but trying to be selfless and generous -- I can see that too, definitely.
*warm smile* Thanks again!
Hell, I've done it, and that's exactly how it feels.
*warm embrace* I hope you got your heart's desire in the end.
I just want to gather Sean in my arms and make the pain go away. Barring that, I want Viggo to do it.
*grins* I'll work on that one...
Looking forward to the next piece.
*warm smile* Thanks so much.
Thanks for your kind FB. It means the world to me and keeps me writing. *hugs and kisses*