![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
alexabond.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rugbytackleMake Up Your Heart
By Alexa Bond 1/30/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real…. you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B. /Orli, Sean B/Viggo, OB/EW
Summary: Viggo and Elijah are tired of treading softly.
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.50megs.com/] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG/PG-13 (I’m not sure. We only have some mental confusion here but you probably need to be 13 to understand it so…)
Warnings: RPS
Series: Part 10 in “This Thing Called Love”.
Author’s notes: These boys needed to make up their minds because they were starting to confuse even me.
Thanks much to Piex for beta. *hugs*
* * *
“Viggo.”
He looked up at the sound of his name and found Elijah standing beside him, his eyes serious and sad.
“Lij? You all right?” Viggo asked, worried. He had just now gotten out of costume but saw Elijah was still in his… Minus the feet.
“No,” the young man admitted sadly. He quickly scanned the area but found it too late for anyone to be around.
“What is it?” Viggo asked as he began to walk to his car, gesturing for Elijah to follow him; he could always return the costume later and he seemed to need to talk to someone. He was more than a little surprised that Elijah would come to him with a problem; normally he would ask Astin. Viggo cared for the young man but they had never been really close. The only time he had felt really connected to him had been when he had thought he had seen something in Elijah’s eyes that day at lunch.
“I followed Orli to your house… He went to see Sean,” Elijah admitted, embarrassed, expecting to get a speech about respecting others right to privacy since he knew how much Viggo valued his and he knew the right to privacy was something he should understand better than most, having been a celebrity since childhood.
Elijah’s words made Viggo stop dead in his tracks. Orli and Sean… together. The very thought made his heart freeze and he suddenly wished he didn’t have such a vivid imagination so he could avoid seeing the images his mind was creating from that simple sentence.
“Just now?”
“Yes.”
Viggo quickened his pace so Elijah almost had to run to follow him. Well, at least no speech so far, Elijah thought relieved, happy to see that his suspicions about Viggo and Sean had been right. It would make it easier for him to try and get Orli for himself since he could, hopefully, push Sean over to Viggo.
“Get in,” Viggo gestured to the passenger seat of his car and got in himself. Elijah quickly did as asked, as eager to break up the little scene which was surely playing out in Viggo’s house where Sean still lived, as the older man was. Faster than ever before, Viggo was out of the parking lot and driving towards the house he had rented.
“Maybe we should just let them be,” Elijah mumbled miserably, now not so sure if he wanted to see Orli in another’s arms. He had said he’d help Orli get Sean back -- but somehow he had never expected it to really happen; hadn’t wished it to happen. Still, what kind of friend would he be if he would try and steal the happiness away from Orli that he had worked so hard to try and reclaim?
Viggo’s eyes landed fleetingly on Elijah before they returned to the road.
“Is that what you want?” Viggo asked softly.
“No,” Elijah admitted. “But Orli doesn’t love me… He doesn’t even see me!” he protested, frustrated.
“I know what that’s like,” Viggo mumbled, thinking of how Sean had seen him for a friend instead of what he wanted to be; his lover. After he had admitted his feelings, Sean had begun to be freer with his affection but still no more so than a loving brother would be, expect for a few kisses and hugs which were more frustrating than anything else to Viggo because they were never the beginning to anything more.
“Sean loves Orli, don’t he?” Elijah wanted to know. “Of course he does,” he answered his own question. “Everyone does.”
“If they want to be together I won’t stop them, but I’ll be damned if they won’t listen to my side of things first,” he cast another quick look at Elijah. “And yours.”
“Well… I guess I have nothing to lose,” Elijah admitted because at that moment he felt he didn’t have anything when he couldn’t have Orli.
“Why now?”
Elijah looked confused at him.
”Why did Orli choose to talk with Sean now? He has been… distant towards him since their breakup,” Viggo explained.
“I’m not sure. We had been talking and I guess maybe he thought time was running out because there had been some rumors about Sean always staying with you and…” Elijah blushed as he realized what he had said.
“It’s alright. We’re not lovers,” Viggo assured him, adding under his breath, “unfortunately.”
“It’s here,” Elijah said unnecessarily as Viggo pulled to a halt beside his house. Both men got out quickly and walked to the front door, both afraid of what they’d find behind the door. Viggo turned the handle and walked in, Elijah close behind him. Elijah drew a relieved breath as he saw Orli didn’t have his arms or any other body part all over Sean. In fact, they stood in the middle of the room, Orli’s hand stretched out towards Sean’s, Sean’s stopped in midair.
“Viggo,” Sean said, surprised, and his arm fell back to his side. Frowning Orli withdrew his hand. “What are you doing here?” Sean blurted out, blushing as he felt his heart rate quicken. The certainty he had felt about Orli and what he wanted was now completely gone and just seeing Viggo made him break free from the invisible bond of desire and love Orli had seemed to hold him in.
“It’s my house,” Viggo reminded him, his voice sounding loud in the still room as he fought to keep his emotions under control at seeing Orli and Sean stand so close together, just a arm’s reach apart.
“Oh,” Sean didn’t know what to say, somehow feeling embarrassed about this whole situation.
“I think it’s about time we talk. All of us,” Viggo nodded to include all four of them.
“What is it with you guys and talking?” Orli mumbled, irritated. Sean had been within his reach before Viggo had entered; he knew he had been. But with Viggo’s entrance Sean’s indecision towards him seemed to have more than doubled and that wasn’t a good sign at all, making Orli fear the rumors about Viggo and Sean might be more than rumors.
“Let’s just lay all the cards out on the table right now,” Viggo continued, his voice strong and sure. It was now or never. Today a choice had to be made; none of them could go on living like this, almost having, yet not quite.
“About time,” Elijah mumbled. These past months had been torture for him, being so close to Orli yet never being able to tell him how he felt, trying to be supportive about Sean yet in reality just wishing he’d stop talking about him and move on already. Even if he lost Orli for good then at least he would know for sure if he even stood a chance.
“I guess I’ll start,” Viggo went on as no one else seemed to be eager to start spilling their guts. He took a deep breath. “Sean is my best friend but he’s more than that… I wish him to be more than that,” his eyes settled warm and loving on Sean, who felt himself returning his gaze with a warm and natural smile. “This isn’t an all consuming fire I feel for him…” Viggo’s eyes rested on Sean and his next words were for him alone. “But it’s real, it’s deep and it’s there. It’s the slow fire that’ll not die. It’s not wild, it’s not painful… It simply is.”
“You’re saying his love for me is painful?” Orli complained. Okay, so their relationship hadn’t been perfect but with Elijah’s help he had managed to get a lot of insight and he was sure that Sean and him could make things work…in time he might even be able to say ‘I love you’ back to him.
“Hey! I can speak for myself,” Sean protested, somewhere between annoyance and amusement though he had to admit that he was intrigued by what the others might think about this whole situation.
“No, I don’t think that,” Viggo replied thoughtfully to Orli’s question. “But I do believe that you demand too much because you can give too little in return. I think the love you two share is real but it’s wild and uncontrollable. I also think you’ll just end up hurting each other even more.”
“What do you mean?!” Orli complained hotly. After all he had done to get Sean back he wasn’t about to give up easily. He loved Sean; couldn’t Viggo understand that?
“He’s right, Orli. You can’t tell me this is right,” Elijah broke in softly, having gotten a greater and deeper understanding of Orli’s complex and confused emotions during their talks. Sean was ready to commit and settle down; Orli wasn’t anywhere near that kind of commitment. “I can read you, read your emotions in your eyes. I can overlook the actions and words you say to protect yourself because I’ll be able to tell when you’re serious and when it’s the aftermath of a past hurt,” his voice was warm now. “But Sean…”
“Can’t do that,” Sean finished softly for him, finally able to break in on the debate about his life, a little annoyance at their conclusions in his voice even if they were correct. He took a deep breath before he admitted, ”I need the words... I always have. And not just that… I want something more… I want to find something that’ll last.”
“I never promised forever,” Orli protested though his voice was soft now, almost sad. A part of him wanted forever with Sean but he knew he wasn’t ready for it. He would run again, afraid that he should end up loving and needing Sean so much that if Sean left he wouldn’t be able to deal with it. The fear of betrayal and abandonment still lay just below the surface.
“No, I know you didn’t and I never asked for it. That was just one of my mistakes,” Sean admitted just as softly, a hint of pain and regret in his voice and face.
“Mistakes?” Orli asked puzzled. Sean hadn’t made any mistakes…he had been the one who had failed to be able to deal with Sean’s love for him.
“Pride. It’s a matter of pride,” Elijah suddenly understood and snapped his fingers as if he had found the solution to a math problem. “To be with you, Sean would need to change.”
”Always your rules, Orli,” Viggo added gently.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Orli felt like he was being ganged up on here. No one but Elijah knew what he had been through; he couldn’t leave himself open like that again. Even if he had managed to throw his mental list of rules away a relationship with him still had to be with him in the lead, by his rules…It had to. He dared nothing less.
“No… but it’s a problem if the person in question is left changed and scarred because of it. You ask for everything but is unable to give anything in return. You need someone who can accept that… Who can wait for you to come around… or be strong enough when you leave. Sean has already lost three loves, and when someone leave it always gives you a fear of abandonment and leaves your self confidence shattered…your pride lost,” Viggo said softly, not knowing that his words werer also true for Orli, only he had found a much different way to deal with his pain than Sean had. Unspoken, the words ‘You would do all that; you would take his pride and self confidence and then you would leave him,’ hung between them all as a pained silence settled between them.
Sean remained silent; their words made his cheeks flame but they were true and he had never minded Viggo speaking for him, for he always had a better way with words than Sean did.
“I can be that man for you,” Elijah whispered softly, his blue eyes strong and sure as they met and held Orli’s deep brown ones. “I have no pride regarding you that I could lose… I don’t need my pride.” Inwardly Elijah were feverishly praying that Orli would give him a chance…Just a chance and he would do his best to show him how much he loved him and he hoped that in time his love and patience would make it possible for Orli to move on so he would be able to fully return that love.
“But I think…” Sean said softly, finally speaking up. His thoughts had been elsewhere, having quietly been thinking it all through. He moved to embrace Orli before he continued. “That I do.” Their arms locked around each other’s waists, their eyes meeting and in them were reflected an ocean of lost chances and a love that could have been wild and uncontrollable…and ultimately destructive. “To be with you I need to give up on myself… And I’ve tried that and it didn’t work. It would destroy me,” Sean whispered softly and gently kissed the top of Orli’s head, not noticing the tear that had escaped his eye and was now rolling down his cheek. It dripped into Orli’s hair as Sean became aware that he was saying farewell to a love he would never have and had never really had in the first place. It was bittersweet to think about.
“I…” Orli began as Sean drew back, but no more words came out, his throat tight with repressed emotions.
“It’s alright,” Sean said in a reassuring tone of voice. After having admitted to myself that his relationship with Orli was now fully over he found another insight come to him with ease. Without his conflicting emotions in regard to Orli to cloud his vision he found that he loved Viggo…no, he was in love with him. With this new insight he continued to speak, to clarify for himself, Viggo and Orli how he felt, “A part of me will always love you but I’m… I’m with Viggo now. It’s better this way. He gives me so much... completes me…. like the other part of my soul,” Sean finished softly, love and sadness in his voice and eyes as new and old love shore side by side.
“But he doesn’t make the earth tremble under you,” Orli whispered sadly in Sean’s ear as he embraced him before he drew back. A tear glimmered in Orli’s right eye as he became aware of the love he had lost and would never regain. He forced himself to smile at Sean before he gave him a quick but loving kiss. “Goodbye, Sean,” he whispered and turned his back on him.
“Goodbye,” Sean whispered, knowing that as soon as Orli was out the door neither of them would ever mention what had been between them again and come morning they would be back to how they had started; friends and nothing more. Never again anything more. That thought saddened Sean more than he had hoped it would. Without looking back, Orli walked out the front door and stopped just outside, waiting for Elijah. Orli had never before considered Elijah a potential lover but now that he thought about it the thought wasn’t at all unwelcome…on the contrary. Maybe in time, when the hurt over losing Sean wasn’t so strong, he would try and see where their friendship could take him.
“I hope you’ll be happy,” Viggo said to Elijah as he made to follow Orli.
“I will be…no matter what happens ’cause I got him... For just a little while at least,” Elijah smiled though tears burned in his eyes. He had won… yet his victory seemed a little empty even to him in the light of both Orli and Sean’s sadness when they had said goodbye, having had to acknowledge that theirs was a love not meant to be. Viggo embraced Elijah and the young man mumbled his thanks for everything as he drew back.
“Take care of him,” Sean whispered to Elijah as he embraced him after Viggo had released him.
“I will,” Elijah promised as he drew back and smiled at them both before he walked to the front door and joined Orli.
“Come… Let’s go find something fun to do,” they heard Orli say, his voice sounding a bit sad even through the distance as he took Elijah’s hand and began to drag him along with him, determined to chase away his sadness and regrets.
Sean turned to face Viggo, not sure of what to say but Viggo made sure he didn’t have to find any words as he found them for him.
“Come to bed with me?” Viggo asked softly as he reached out his right hand in invitation. Sean smiled warmly. As always Viggo let him have the choice, let him have his pride. There was no pressure, no bonds, no rules and no demands…simply them; simply love.
“Thought you’ll never ask,” Sean teased happily as he accepted Viggo’s hand and let him lead him to the bedroom, sure that this was what he wanted, what he needed. It felt so right, so natural. His love for Viggo already felt like a warm blanket around his soul and Viggo’s gentle spirit was there to guide him, help him and love him. This flame between them might not be earth shattering but it was a true flame, a warm flame… a flame which could last forever if they let it… and in that moment Sean had no doubts; he wanted it to burn forever.
The End
TBC in “Fly On The Wings Of Love”.
Author’s notes: You didn’t really believe it would be that ‘easy’, now did you? Oh, no…Just wait till the next chapter…*EG*
By Alexa Bond 1/30/03
Disclaimer: This never happened unless I have psychic powers and can change the past, present and future. Any likeness to real characters is all in your mind, nothing more. This is fiction, made up, never happened, not real…. you want that in other languages as well? *LOL*
I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money off it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set during the filming of LOTR.
Universe: LOTR RPS
Romance: Sean B. /Orli, Sean B/Viggo, OB/EW
Summary: Viggo and Elijah are tired of treading softly.
Archiving: List archive and Green Opals [http://greenopals.50megs.com/] may take it; others please ask.
Feedback: Yes, please. If you want me to continue writing that is *G*. My e-mail address is alexabond2000@yahoo.com
Rating: PG/PG-13 (I’m not sure. We only have some mental confusion here but you probably need to be 13 to understand it so…)
Warnings: RPS
Series: Part 10 in “This Thing Called Love”.
Author’s notes: These boys needed to make up their minds because they were starting to confuse even me.
Thanks much to Piex for beta. *hugs*
* * *
“Viggo.”
He looked up at the sound of his name and found Elijah standing beside him, his eyes serious and sad.
“Lij? You all right?” Viggo asked, worried. He had just now gotten out of costume but saw Elijah was still in his… Minus the feet.
“No,” the young man admitted sadly. He quickly scanned the area but found it too late for anyone to be around.
“What is it?” Viggo asked as he began to walk to his car, gesturing for Elijah to follow him; he could always return the costume later and he seemed to need to talk to someone. He was more than a little surprised that Elijah would come to him with a problem; normally he would ask Astin. Viggo cared for the young man but they had never been really close. The only time he had felt really connected to him had been when he had thought he had seen something in Elijah’s eyes that day at lunch.
“I followed Orli to your house… He went to see Sean,” Elijah admitted, embarrassed, expecting to get a speech about respecting others right to privacy since he knew how much Viggo valued his and he knew the right to privacy was something he should understand better than most, having been a celebrity since childhood.
Elijah’s words made Viggo stop dead in his tracks. Orli and Sean… together. The very thought made his heart freeze and he suddenly wished he didn’t have such a vivid imagination so he could avoid seeing the images his mind was creating from that simple sentence.
“Just now?”
“Yes.”
Viggo quickened his pace so Elijah almost had to run to follow him. Well, at least no speech so far, Elijah thought relieved, happy to see that his suspicions about Viggo and Sean had been right. It would make it easier for him to try and get Orli for himself since he could, hopefully, push Sean over to Viggo.
“Get in,” Viggo gestured to the passenger seat of his car and got in himself. Elijah quickly did as asked, as eager to break up the little scene which was surely playing out in Viggo’s house where Sean still lived, as the older man was. Faster than ever before, Viggo was out of the parking lot and driving towards the house he had rented.
“Maybe we should just let them be,” Elijah mumbled miserably, now not so sure if he wanted to see Orli in another’s arms. He had said he’d help Orli get Sean back -- but somehow he had never expected it to really happen; hadn’t wished it to happen. Still, what kind of friend would he be if he would try and steal the happiness away from Orli that he had worked so hard to try and reclaim?
Viggo’s eyes landed fleetingly on Elijah before they returned to the road.
“Is that what you want?” Viggo asked softly.
“No,” Elijah admitted. “But Orli doesn’t love me… He doesn’t even see me!” he protested, frustrated.
“I know what that’s like,” Viggo mumbled, thinking of how Sean had seen him for a friend instead of what he wanted to be; his lover. After he had admitted his feelings, Sean had begun to be freer with his affection but still no more so than a loving brother would be, expect for a few kisses and hugs which were more frustrating than anything else to Viggo because they were never the beginning to anything more.
“Sean loves Orli, don’t he?” Elijah wanted to know. “Of course he does,” he answered his own question. “Everyone does.”
“If they want to be together I won’t stop them, but I’ll be damned if they won’t listen to my side of things first,” he cast another quick look at Elijah. “And yours.”
“Well… I guess I have nothing to lose,” Elijah admitted because at that moment he felt he didn’t have anything when he couldn’t have Orli.
“Why now?”
Elijah looked confused at him.
”Why did Orli choose to talk with Sean now? He has been… distant towards him since their breakup,” Viggo explained.
“I’m not sure. We had been talking and I guess maybe he thought time was running out because there had been some rumors about Sean always staying with you and…” Elijah blushed as he realized what he had said.
“It’s alright. We’re not lovers,” Viggo assured him, adding under his breath, “unfortunately.”
“It’s here,” Elijah said unnecessarily as Viggo pulled to a halt beside his house. Both men got out quickly and walked to the front door, both afraid of what they’d find behind the door. Viggo turned the handle and walked in, Elijah close behind him. Elijah drew a relieved breath as he saw Orli didn’t have his arms or any other body part all over Sean. In fact, they stood in the middle of the room, Orli’s hand stretched out towards Sean’s, Sean’s stopped in midair.
“Viggo,” Sean said, surprised, and his arm fell back to his side. Frowning Orli withdrew his hand. “What are you doing here?” Sean blurted out, blushing as he felt his heart rate quicken. The certainty he had felt about Orli and what he wanted was now completely gone and just seeing Viggo made him break free from the invisible bond of desire and love Orli had seemed to hold him in.
“It’s my house,” Viggo reminded him, his voice sounding loud in the still room as he fought to keep his emotions under control at seeing Orli and Sean stand so close together, just a arm’s reach apart.
“Oh,” Sean didn’t know what to say, somehow feeling embarrassed about this whole situation.
“I think it’s about time we talk. All of us,” Viggo nodded to include all four of them.
“What is it with you guys and talking?” Orli mumbled, irritated. Sean had been within his reach before Viggo had entered; he knew he had been. But with Viggo’s entrance Sean’s indecision towards him seemed to have more than doubled and that wasn’t a good sign at all, making Orli fear the rumors about Viggo and Sean might be more than rumors.
“Let’s just lay all the cards out on the table right now,” Viggo continued, his voice strong and sure. It was now or never. Today a choice had to be made; none of them could go on living like this, almost having, yet not quite.
“About time,” Elijah mumbled. These past months had been torture for him, being so close to Orli yet never being able to tell him how he felt, trying to be supportive about Sean yet in reality just wishing he’d stop talking about him and move on already. Even if he lost Orli for good then at least he would know for sure if he even stood a chance.
“I guess I’ll start,” Viggo went on as no one else seemed to be eager to start spilling their guts. He took a deep breath. “Sean is my best friend but he’s more than that… I wish him to be more than that,” his eyes settled warm and loving on Sean, who felt himself returning his gaze with a warm and natural smile. “This isn’t an all consuming fire I feel for him…” Viggo’s eyes rested on Sean and his next words were for him alone. “But it’s real, it’s deep and it’s there. It’s the slow fire that’ll not die. It’s not wild, it’s not painful… It simply is.”
“You’re saying his love for me is painful?” Orli complained. Okay, so their relationship hadn’t been perfect but with Elijah’s help he had managed to get a lot of insight and he was sure that Sean and him could make things work…in time he might even be able to say ‘I love you’ back to him.
“Hey! I can speak for myself,” Sean protested, somewhere between annoyance and amusement though he had to admit that he was intrigued by what the others might think about this whole situation.
“No, I don’t think that,” Viggo replied thoughtfully to Orli’s question. “But I do believe that you demand too much because you can give too little in return. I think the love you two share is real but it’s wild and uncontrollable. I also think you’ll just end up hurting each other even more.”
“What do you mean?!” Orli complained hotly. After all he had done to get Sean back he wasn’t about to give up easily. He loved Sean; couldn’t Viggo understand that?
“He’s right, Orli. You can’t tell me this is right,” Elijah broke in softly, having gotten a greater and deeper understanding of Orli’s complex and confused emotions during their talks. Sean was ready to commit and settle down; Orli wasn’t anywhere near that kind of commitment. “I can read you, read your emotions in your eyes. I can overlook the actions and words you say to protect yourself because I’ll be able to tell when you’re serious and when it’s the aftermath of a past hurt,” his voice was warm now. “But Sean…”
“Can’t do that,” Sean finished softly for him, finally able to break in on the debate about his life, a little annoyance at their conclusions in his voice even if they were correct. He took a deep breath before he admitted, ”I need the words... I always have. And not just that… I want something more… I want to find something that’ll last.”
“I never promised forever,” Orli protested though his voice was soft now, almost sad. A part of him wanted forever with Sean but he knew he wasn’t ready for it. He would run again, afraid that he should end up loving and needing Sean so much that if Sean left he wouldn’t be able to deal with it. The fear of betrayal and abandonment still lay just below the surface.
“No, I know you didn’t and I never asked for it. That was just one of my mistakes,” Sean admitted just as softly, a hint of pain and regret in his voice and face.
“Mistakes?” Orli asked puzzled. Sean hadn’t made any mistakes…he had been the one who had failed to be able to deal with Sean’s love for him.
“Pride. It’s a matter of pride,” Elijah suddenly understood and snapped his fingers as if he had found the solution to a math problem. “To be with you, Sean would need to change.”
”Always your rules, Orli,” Viggo added gently.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Orli felt like he was being ganged up on here. No one but Elijah knew what he had been through; he couldn’t leave himself open like that again. Even if he had managed to throw his mental list of rules away a relationship with him still had to be with him in the lead, by his rules…It had to. He dared nothing less.
“No… but it’s a problem if the person in question is left changed and scarred because of it. You ask for everything but is unable to give anything in return. You need someone who can accept that… Who can wait for you to come around… or be strong enough when you leave. Sean has already lost three loves, and when someone leave it always gives you a fear of abandonment and leaves your self confidence shattered…your pride lost,” Viggo said softly, not knowing that his words werer also true for Orli, only he had found a much different way to deal with his pain than Sean had. Unspoken, the words ‘You would do all that; you would take his pride and self confidence and then you would leave him,’ hung between them all as a pained silence settled between them.
Sean remained silent; their words made his cheeks flame but they were true and he had never minded Viggo speaking for him, for he always had a better way with words than Sean did.
“I can be that man for you,” Elijah whispered softly, his blue eyes strong and sure as they met and held Orli’s deep brown ones. “I have no pride regarding you that I could lose… I don’t need my pride.” Inwardly Elijah were feverishly praying that Orli would give him a chance…Just a chance and he would do his best to show him how much he loved him and he hoped that in time his love and patience would make it possible for Orli to move on so he would be able to fully return that love.
“But I think…” Sean said softly, finally speaking up. His thoughts had been elsewhere, having quietly been thinking it all through. He moved to embrace Orli before he continued. “That I do.” Their arms locked around each other’s waists, their eyes meeting and in them were reflected an ocean of lost chances and a love that could have been wild and uncontrollable…and ultimately destructive. “To be with you I need to give up on myself… And I’ve tried that and it didn’t work. It would destroy me,” Sean whispered softly and gently kissed the top of Orli’s head, not noticing the tear that had escaped his eye and was now rolling down his cheek. It dripped into Orli’s hair as Sean became aware that he was saying farewell to a love he would never have and had never really had in the first place. It was bittersweet to think about.
“I…” Orli began as Sean drew back, but no more words came out, his throat tight with repressed emotions.
“It’s alright,” Sean said in a reassuring tone of voice. After having admitted to myself that his relationship with Orli was now fully over he found another insight come to him with ease. Without his conflicting emotions in regard to Orli to cloud his vision he found that he loved Viggo…no, he was in love with him. With this new insight he continued to speak, to clarify for himself, Viggo and Orli how he felt, “A part of me will always love you but I’m… I’m with Viggo now. It’s better this way. He gives me so much... completes me…. like the other part of my soul,” Sean finished softly, love and sadness in his voice and eyes as new and old love shore side by side.
“But he doesn’t make the earth tremble under you,” Orli whispered sadly in Sean’s ear as he embraced him before he drew back. A tear glimmered in Orli’s right eye as he became aware of the love he had lost and would never regain. He forced himself to smile at Sean before he gave him a quick but loving kiss. “Goodbye, Sean,” he whispered and turned his back on him.
“Goodbye,” Sean whispered, knowing that as soon as Orli was out the door neither of them would ever mention what had been between them again and come morning they would be back to how they had started; friends and nothing more. Never again anything more. That thought saddened Sean more than he had hoped it would. Without looking back, Orli walked out the front door and stopped just outside, waiting for Elijah. Orli had never before considered Elijah a potential lover but now that he thought about it the thought wasn’t at all unwelcome…on the contrary. Maybe in time, when the hurt over losing Sean wasn’t so strong, he would try and see where their friendship could take him.
“I hope you’ll be happy,” Viggo said to Elijah as he made to follow Orli.
“I will be…no matter what happens ’cause I got him... For just a little while at least,” Elijah smiled though tears burned in his eyes. He had won… yet his victory seemed a little empty even to him in the light of both Orli and Sean’s sadness when they had said goodbye, having had to acknowledge that theirs was a love not meant to be. Viggo embraced Elijah and the young man mumbled his thanks for everything as he drew back.
“Take care of him,” Sean whispered to Elijah as he embraced him after Viggo had released him.
“I will,” Elijah promised as he drew back and smiled at them both before he walked to the front door and joined Orli.
“Come… Let’s go find something fun to do,” they heard Orli say, his voice sounding a bit sad even through the distance as he took Elijah’s hand and began to drag him along with him, determined to chase away his sadness and regrets.
Sean turned to face Viggo, not sure of what to say but Viggo made sure he didn’t have to find any words as he found them for him.
“Come to bed with me?” Viggo asked softly as he reached out his right hand in invitation. Sean smiled warmly. As always Viggo let him have the choice, let him have his pride. There was no pressure, no bonds, no rules and no demands…simply them; simply love.
“Thought you’ll never ask,” Sean teased happily as he accepted Viggo’s hand and let him lead him to the bedroom, sure that this was what he wanted, what he needed. It felt so right, so natural. His love for Viggo already felt like a warm blanket around his soul and Viggo’s gentle spirit was there to guide him, help him and love him. This flame between them might not be earth shattering but it was a true flame, a warm flame… a flame which could last forever if they let it… and in that moment Sean had no doubts; he wanted it to burn forever.
The End
TBC in “Fly On The Wings Of Love”.
Author’s notes: You didn’t really believe it would be that ‘easy’, now did you? Oh, no…Just wait till the next chapter…*EG*
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 10:10 am (UTC)He gives me so much... completes me…. like the other part of my soul.
Amen to that!
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 01:59 pm (UTC)*LOL* Amen to that!
Cannot wait for more ;)
Thanks so much! RL has become very hectic but I'll try and get it out soon.
He gives me so much... completes me... like the other part of my soul.
Amen to that!
*smiles* thanks, lov.
Thanks again for your sweet FB. It means the world to me and keeps me writing. *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 12:11 pm (UTC)Lines that wrecked me:
“To be with you I need to give up on myself… And I’ve tried that and it didn’t work. It would destroy me”
Because it's so true; everything you've said so far backs it up, and he deserves so much more than that. Even if it's only for being willing to open himself up to hurt again after all the failures...
"a flame which could last forever if they let it… and in that moment Sean had no doubts; he wanted it to burn forever."
*melts into large pile of formerly-human goo*
“But he doesn’t make the earth tremble under you,”
I would beg to differ: Viggo's the kind of man who could do both - rock the very foundations of Sean's world, then soothe them back into place again. Nonetheless, the line slammed an emotional meat-hook into me.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 02:27 pm (UTC)Even more thanks for telling me which lines you liked and why. Thanks so much! You're amazing and have made my week...no, my month! *hugs*
no subject
Date: 2004-05-13 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-16 02:39 pm (UTC)*warm smile* Thanks so much and I'll work on that OrliBean for you. Thanks again!