Sport Challenge
Aug. 4th, 2004 11:02 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
babelsquee.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
rugbytackleI found more options.
:) goodie.
Title: So Fine (sport challenge)
Author: Babe Piglet
Length: Ficlet
Pairing: Viggo/Sean (ummm maybe)
Rating: PG, bad language (f word)
Summary: why do guys compete?
Disclaimer: Don’t know them. Didn’t happen. Just have an active imagination.
Feedback: sure
Archive: wherever
Author’s note: probably doesn’t qualify as slash, just guys being guys together and women wondering what on earth they are doing. Shadowfax knows the meaning of haste, but I don’t know the meaning of short. Sorry.
Breathing hard, Sean twisted, dodged, and kicked. Sweat flew off his brow and the ball shot past Viggo into the net.
“Winning goal!” Ian (referee) yelled. He blew his whistle.
“Way to go, Beanie!” Orli screamed from the far goal line.
“Beanie does it again!” Elijah hooted.
Sean raised his fists in the air and yelled “Yessssss!” just as four bodies hit him in his back, and behind his knees. He hit the ground hard, with a grunt, skidding on his belly in the field, and sprawled under the pile of Hobbits, gasping for air and choking on dirt and grass.
“Poor Seanie. Any ribs broken?” Viggo grabbed a foot and pulled the nearest Hobbit off Sean, and the others rolled off, giggling insanely.
“Uhngha.”
“Oh, that’s elegant. With your fine RADA training, and you can’t think of something more elegant to say?”
“Fuck you, Viggo, you fucking wanker,” Sean gasped out. “How’s that?”
“Want Shakespeare. Wanna hear it in iambic pentameter unrhymed!”
“Fuck.” Sean edged his knees under him, trying to sit up, ending up with his rump in the air. Viggo promptly grabbed it, stroked, and squeezed.
“Insane fucker,” Sean muttered.
Viggo patted his ass again, this time, with both hands. “You stick your ass in the air and don’t expect someone to grab it? The finest ass in Hollywood?”
“Up yours, Mortenson.” Sean gritted his teeth. “And get your hands off my bum.”
“And such a nice bum it is,” Ian patted Sean’s butt affectionately.
Karl put his foot between Sean’s shoulder blades, pinning him down.
“Oh, thanks!”
“Yeah, thanks!” Hobbits lined up to fondle Sean’s rump. “Such a nice bum.” Eight hands grabbed and squeezed.
“Ooooh.”
“Squeee….”
“Nice!”
Growling, Sean rolled away from the restraining foot.
“Oh, I missed it. Do it again, Beanie.”
“Sod off, OB.” Sean, red faced and now more or less vertical, leaned on his haunches, spat grass and dirt out of his mouth, and pulled mud and grass out of his shorts.
“Do it again, and I will.”
Sean stopped feeling his rib cage to show Orli his third finger in a slow, lazy gesture.
“Squee?” Dom frowned at Billy.
“Yeah, squee. I learned that from Orli’s fans!”
Orli rolled his eyes.
“But we won,” Elijah pointed out.
“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Sean grumbled. “And why the fuck did *you* tackle me?” He shook his head. “Supposed to be on the same fucking *team*.”
“You were there.” Elijah looked him over. “Your nose is bleeding.”
“Fuck it is.”
“Yup.” A half dozen heads nodded.
“Medic!” Billy screamed.
“No medic. Christ!” Sean staggered to his feet.
Dom made requisite siren noises and Billy spoke into his hands. “Emergency, emergency, everybody off the streets. Emergency Emergency!”
Seanwise pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and scattered Band aids, tissues, and smelling salts on the ground. “Here.”
“You carry all this shit with you?” Viggo gestured.
“Uh-huh. Never know when someone will have an emergency.”
Sean took the handkerchief and blotted his nose. “Smelling salts?”
“Habit I developed with Mom.”
“You’ve got blood on your shirt,” Miranda pointed out.
“Fuck.”
“Why do they do it, Liv?” Miranda fanned herself with her script. “Hottest day of the year, blazing sun. Mid-day, no less, and these fools run around like crazy on a field and get themselves overheated, sweaty and muddy.”
“Must be a man-brain thing.”
“Man-brain? You must mean lack of man-brain. Look at them.”
The women surveyed the motley assortment before them, covered with dirt, streaked with sweat. Red-faced from heat and exertion.
“Can’t say no to a challenge,” Billy offered. “
“Sure you can.”
“They’ve beat your team the last eleven times,” Miranda pointed out.
“They won’t understand, Billy. Don’t bother.” Elijah drew on wisdom beyond his years, or perhaps it was simply that he was so soon out of his mother’s supervision that he knew such things. “It’s a girl-brain thing.”
Liv rolled her eyes. “Explain it, then.”
“It’s fun.” Male heads nodded sagely.
“Fun?” Miranda sounded incredulous. “You call this fun? You’re exhausted. You’re filthy. You’re all suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion.”
“And you guys NEVER win.” Liv pointed out. “How stupid is it to keep challenging a team that beats you to a pulp?”
“Dumb indeed.” Miranda stated with finality.
Dom sighed. “Well….”
“We almost won.”
“You almost won?”
Sean made a derisive snort.
“We spotted you guys 5 goals, three of us played to your six, and we still beat you.”
“Sean, you beat us, actually.”
Orli nodded glumly and Sean glared at him.
“It got by me, okay?” Orli protested.
“Five goals got by you, Orli.” Sean pointed out.
“So shoot me!”
“You’ve had worse ideas, mate.”
“It’s not about winning. It’s about the competition.” Viggo suggested. “It’s *all* about competition.” The Hobbits nodded. The elf agreed.
“Competition?” Miranda looked speculatively at them.
Sean gazed at the sky, and blinked as sweat rolled into his right eye. “How big is it?”
“How much does it hold?” Billy added.
“How long does it last?” Viggo said.
“How far does it shoot?”
“Does it feel good?”
“Yeah, that’s important.” The Hobbits nodded wisely and as one.
“But most important is, how big is it,” Ian added.
The women looked at one another.
“Okay, we get it.”
Miranda raised her eyebrows at Liv. “Do you ask, or do I?”
Liv shrugged. “Okay, so…..” She paused. “Who has the biggest dick?”
The men’s eyes widened and they looked away. Billy shuffled his feet. Viggo took a deep breath and released it slowly. Seanwise scratched his head and looked at the sky. Elijah blushed and bit his lip. Dom slowly raised his hand.
“No way, Monaghan.” A chorus of jeers agreed.
Sean took another swipe at his bloody nose, looked at the handkerchief and offered it to Seanwise. “Want this back?” He grinned wickedly.
“Ewwwww.”
“I guess you all agree it’s not Dom?”
“Not me, I don’t agree.” Dom said.
“No way.” Heads shook.
“Get real, dipshit.”
Dom made a gesture with his hands, and Billy guffawed. “Forget it Monaghan!”
“So how do you know?”
“Check each other out in the men’s room?”
“No way!”
“Well….yeah, but not so anyone would notice.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Don’t you?”
“Admit it, Billy, you do! I’ve seen you look.”
Billy shook his head, blushing furiously.
“We don’t. Know that is.” Viggo stated.
“Not for sure, anyway.”
“We could get a tape measure from wardrobe.” Liv suggested.
The men shifted uneasily. “Ummmmm….no, probably not.”
“You don’t want to measure?”
Heads shook. Averted eyes looked everywhere but at each other.
“So how is this ever resolved, if you don’t measure?”
“It isn’t resolved.”
“That’s why we play sports.”
Male heads nodded. Ian rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Ian, you do it too.”
“Sean scored the winning goal,” Liv pointed out. “He often does.”
“So does this mean Sean has the biggest dick?” Miranda suggested.
Viggo scratched his head. “Don’t know if he has the biggest dick.” He grinned. “But he does have the finest ass.”
“It’s sooooo fine!” Orli murmured.
“Ooooohhhh, yeah!” A Hobbit chorus crooned. “Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang….Do-lang, do-lang!”
“It´s so fine!” Orli held up his hand before his mouth, with a fake microphone.
“Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang.” Billy and Dom put arms around each other’s waists and croon together.
“Wish it were mine.”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“On that handsome boy over there”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“The one with the wa---scraggly hair.”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“For it´s so fine!”
So fine) so fine!
(So fine) it´s so fine!
(So fine) so fine!
(So fine) it´s so fine!
“What are you, the Shangrilas?” Sean asked, repulsed.
“Chiffons, Beanie, it was the Chiffons!”
“Don’t you know your Sixties Girl Group stuff?”
“Show us again, Seanie.”
“Show us that preeetty preeeetty heinie!”
“Sod off, OB.”
The women shook their heads and walked off.
“Where are they going?” Billy called.
“Wardrobe,” Liv called back.
:) goodie.
Title: So Fine (sport challenge)
Author: Babe Piglet
Length: Ficlet
Pairing: Viggo/Sean (ummm maybe)
Rating: PG, bad language (f word)
Summary: why do guys compete?
Disclaimer: Don’t know them. Didn’t happen. Just have an active imagination.
Feedback: sure
Archive: wherever
Author’s note: probably doesn’t qualify as slash, just guys being guys together and women wondering what on earth they are doing. Shadowfax knows the meaning of haste, but I don’t know the meaning of short. Sorry.
Breathing hard, Sean twisted, dodged, and kicked. Sweat flew off his brow and the ball shot past Viggo into the net.
“Winning goal!” Ian (referee) yelled. He blew his whistle.
“Way to go, Beanie!” Orli screamed from the far goal line.
“Beanie does it again!” Elijah hooted.
Sean raised his fists in the air and yelled “Yessssss!” just as four bodies hit him in his back, and behind his knees. He hit the ground hard, with a grunt, skidding on his belly in the field, and sprawled under the pile of Hobbits, gasping for air and choking on dirt and grass.
“Poor Seanie. Any ribs broken?” Viggo grabbed a foot and pulled the nearest Hobbit off Sean, and the others rolled off, giggling insanely.
“Uhngha.”
“Oh, that’s elegant. With your fine RADA training, and you can’t think of something more elegant to say?”
“Fuck you, Viggo, you fucking wanker,” Sean gasped out. “How’s that?”
“Want Shakespeare. Wanna hear it in iambic pentameter unrhymed!”
“Fuck.” Sean edged his knees under him, trying to sit up, ending up with his rump in the air. Viggo promptly grabbed it, stroked, and squeezed.
“Insane fucker,” Sean muttered.
Viggo patted his ass again, this time, with both hands. “You stick your ass in the air and don’t expect someone to grab it? The finest ass in Hollywood?”
“Up yours, Mortenson.” Sean gritted his teeth. “And get your hands off my bum.”
“And such a nice bum it is,” Ian patted Sean’s butt affectionately.
Karl put his foot between Sean’s shoulder blades, pinning him down.
“Oh, thanks!”
“Yeah, thanks!” Hobbits lined up to fondle Sean’s rump. “Such a nice bum.” Eight hands grabbed and squeezed.
“Ooooh.”
“Squeee….”
“Nice!”
Growling, Sean rolled away from the restraining foot.
“Oh, I missed it. Do it again, Beanie.”
“Sod off, OB.” Sean, red faced and now more or less vertical, leaned on his haunches, spat grass and dirt out of his mouth, and pulled mud and grass out of his shorts.
“Do it again, and I will.”
Sean stopped feeling his rib cage to show Orli his third finger in a slow, lazy gesture.
“Squee?” Dom frowned at Billy.
“Yeah, squee. I learned that from Orli’s fans!”
Orli rolled his eyes.
“But we won,” Elijah pointed out.
“Yeah, no thanks to you,” Sean grumbled. “And why the fuck did *you* tackle me?” He shook his head. “Supposed to be on the same fucking *team*.”
“You were there.” Elijah looked him over. “Your nose is bleeding.”
“Fuck it is.”
“Yup.” A half dozen heads nodded.
“Medic!” Billy screamed.
“No medic. Christ!” Sean staggered to his feet.
Dom made requisite siren noises and Billy spoke into his hands. “Emergency, emergency, everybody off the streets. Emergency Emergency!”
Seanwise pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and scattered Band aids, tissues, and smelling salts on the ground. “Here.”
“You carry all this shit with you?” Viggo gestured.
“Uh-huh. Never know when someone will have an emergency.”
Sean took the handkerchief and blotted his nose. “Smelling salts?”
“Habit I developed with Mom.”
“You’ve got blood on your shirt,” Miranda pointed out.
“Fuck.”
“Why do they do it, Liv?” Miranda fanned herself with her script. “Hottest day of the year, blazing sun. Mid-day, no less, and these fools run around like crazy on a field and get themselves overheated, sweaty and muddy.”
“Must be a man-brain thing.”
“Man-brain? You must mean lack of man-brain. Look at them.”
The women surveyed the motley assortment before them, covered with dirt, streaked with sweat. Red-faced from heat and exertion.
“Can’t say no to a challenge,” Billy offered. “
“Sure you can.”
“They’ve beat your team the last eleven times,” Miranda pointed out.
“They won’t understand, Billy. Don’t bother.” Elijah drew on wisdom beyond his years, or perhaps it was simply that he was so soon out of his mother’s supervision that he knew such things. “It’s a girl-brain thing.”
Liv rolled her eyes. “Explain it, then.”
“It’s fun.” Male heads nodded sagely.
“Fun?” Miranda sounded incredulous. “You call this fun? You’re exhausted. You’re filthy. You’re all suffering from dehydration and heat exhaustion.”
“And you guys NEVER win.” Liv pointed out. “How stupid is it to keep challenging a team that beats you to a pulp?”
“Dumb indeed.” Miranda stated with finality.
Dom sighed. “Well….”
“We almost won.”
“You almost won?”
Sean made a derisive snort.
“We spotted you guys 5 goals, three of us played to your six, and we still beat you.”
“Sean, you beat us, actually.”
Orli nodded glumly and Sean glared at him.
“It got by me, okay?” Orli protested.
“Five goals got by you, Orli.” Sean pointed out.
“So shoot me!”
“You’ve had worse ideas, mate.”
“It’s not about winning. It’s about the competition.” Viggo suggested. “It’s *all* about competition.” The Hobbits nodded. The elf agreed.
“Competition?” Miranda looked speculatively at them.
Sean gazed at the sky, and blinked as sweat rolled into his right eye. “How big is it?”
“How much does it hold?” Billy added.
“How long does it last?” Viggo said.
“How far does it shoot?”
“Does it feel good?”
“Yeah, that’s important.” The Hobbits nodded wisely and as one.
“But most important is, how big is it,” Ian added.
The women looked at one another.
“Okay, we get it.”
Miranda raised her eyebrows at Liv. “Do you ask, or do I?”
Liv shrugged. “Okay, so…..” She paused. “Who has the biggest dick?”
The men’s eyes widened and they looked away. Billy shuffled his feet. Viggo took a deep breath and released it slowly. Seanwise scratched his head and looked at the sky. Elijah blushed and bit his lip. Dom slowly raised his hand.
“No way, Monaghan.” A chorus of jeers agreed.
Sean took another swipe at his bloody nose, looked at the handkerchief and offered it to Seanwise. “Want this back?” He grinned wickedly.
“Ewwwww.”
“I guess you all agree it’s not Dom?”
“Not me, I don’t agree.” Dom said.
“No way.” Heads shook.
“Get real, dipshit.”
Dom made a gesture with his hands, and Billy guffawed. “Forget it Monaghan!”
“So how do you know?”
“Check each other out in the men’s room?”
“No way!”
“Well….yeah, but not so anyone would notice.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Don’t you?”
“Admit it, Billy, you do! I’ve seen you look.”
Billy shook his head, blushing furiously.
“We don’t. Know that is.” Viggo stated.
“Not for sure, anyway.”
“We could get a tape measure from wardrobe.” Liv suggested.
The men shifted uneasily. “Ummmmm….no, probably not.”
“You don’t want to measure?”
Heads shook. Averted eyes looked everywhere but at each other.
“So how is this ever resolved, if you don’t measure?”
“It isn’t resolved.”
“That’s why we play sports.”
Male heads nodded. Ian rolled his eyes.
“Come on, Ian, you do it too.”
“Sean scored the winning goal,” Liv pointed out. “He often does.”
“So does this mean Sean has the biggest dick?” Miranda suggested.
Viggo scratched his head. “Don’t know if he has the biggest dick.” He grinned. “But he does have the finest ass.”
“It’s sooooo fine!” Orli murmured.
“Ooooohhhh, yeah!” A Hobbit chorus crooned. “Do-lang, do-lang, do-lang….Do-lang, do-lang!”
“It´s so fine!” Orli held up his hand before his mouth, with a fake microphone.
“Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang.” Billy and Dom put arms around each other’s waists and croon together.
“Wish it were mine.”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“On that handsome boy over there”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“The one with the wa---scraggly hair.”
Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang
“For it´s so fine!”
So fine) so fine!
(So fine) it´s so fine!
(So fine) so fine!
(So fine) it´s so fine!
“What are you, the Shangrilas?” Sean asked, repulsed.
“Chiffons, Beanie, it was the Chiffons!”
“Don’t you know your Sixties Girl Group stuff?”
“Show us again, Seanie.”
“Show us that preeetty preeeetty heinie!”
“Sod off, OB.”
The women shook their heads and walked off.
“Where are they going?” Billy called.
“Wardrobe,” Liv called back.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 08:46 pm (UTC)That is so perfect! Of course they wouldn't want to measure, because then they would know for sure and their male egos couldn't handle it.
Love the explanation for the sports and I totally agree about the finest ass!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-04 09:15 pm (UTC)Yes, it is a fine ass, isn't it? *sigh*
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 02:54 am (UTC)Heads shook. Averted eyes looked everywhere but at each other.
Aawwwwww, poor darlings!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 05:08 am (UTC)icon
Date: 2004-08-05 07:52 am (UTC)Re: icon
Date: 2004-08-07 06:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 06:27 am (UTC)I dunno... my money's on Bean. *grin* Bet Viggo knows!
Terrific fic--and great response to the challenge!
~Kris
no subject
Date: 2004-08-05 06:56 am (UTC)Thank you so much! I loved it!
thanks for comments
Date: 2004-08-05 08:05 am (UTC)Get that research paper done, ladykatie!
Babe
(procrastinating on her own research and reading!)