SPARRING PARTNERS - PART 15

[shegollum.livejournal.com]

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SPARRING PARTNERS - PART 15
Be warned -- it's Viggo and Bean. And it's gonna get angsty, folks! I really hope you like it. Feedback is very much appreciated. Ciao!

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Title: SPARRING PARTNERS
Author: shegollum
Pairing: Viggo/Sean
Archive: Rugbytackle
Warnings: Don't read it unless you're old enough and mature enough, 'kay? Angsty, I suppose.

Disclaimer: The thoughts and feelings may exist but belong to others. Viggo and Sean had nothing to do with any of it. Not beta'd. All errors are mine alone.

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Previous part can be found here:
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=shegollum&keyword=SPARRING+PARTNERS&filter=all

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Over the next several days, Sean, Viggo and the newly christened Frodo Pee-pot Bean settled into a happy routine. Viggo was on set most of the day, Sean joining him in the mornings for sword practice and gym time. Frodo the corgi came along in his crate, totally at ease in his traveling den but never left there for long as he had yet to encounter a person who didn’t immediately ask to scoop him out of it for snuggles and play time and some type of new activity where they kept trying to pull him around by some fancy rope. He loved the attention but this rope thing was something he intended to break these people of very soon.

The as yet unnamed puppy had been introduced to the girls via email. Sean had been unable to keep the secret because he was so excited about giving them this gift and he had several more days still to be in Spain before he could take him back to England. He’d called Evie’s mum first, asking her to please take video of Evie’s reaction as she got the news and he’d already had the video emailed to him. He’d watched it in one of the onset offices, using a borrowed computer, while Viggo stood behind him, still in his costume, his hand resting on Sean’s shoulder. Her little face was full of such excitement and happiness as her mother read the note from Sean that the Englishman got choked up, his momentary sadness at missing her quickly replaced by laughter as she squealed with delight as the photos of the new pup opened in front of her. He called her then when he knew she was with her sisters and they’d talked about names. There’d been a lot of laughter as Viggo had also been on the call and Sean laughingly insisted on having Viggo explain his own special name for the dog and its origin.

Viggo had gone on and on until the two older girls were laughing like crazy and little Evie had told him that she was sorry about his shirt and would find one of her Daddy’s to send to him. Lorna had finally said that the corgi reminded her of Frodo and the other girls had chimed in, declaring that to be a perfect fit for him. But Sean had also insisted that Pee-pot should stand as his middle name given all that poor Viggo had had to endure. With much laughter and excitement, they ended the call, Sean promising to keep sending pictures and to bring the new Bean home as soon as he could.

Sean had signed off the computer, standing up to realize that only he and Viggo still remained in the trailer. Viggo was all done up as Alatriste and he was standing so close, smelling of clean sweat and leather and smoke. Before he knew it, Sean had yanked him close, his tongue in Viggo’s mouth, his hands around his neck, one palm feeling his warm skin and the other the rough fabric of the dark red bandana. He kissed him hard, feeling his heart pounding with such desire to get closer and closer still. Viggo was fighting a surprised smile and trying not to break the kiss because of it. He pushed back, grabbing Sean’s ass and grinding against him, loving the way Sean bit back at him and pushed deeper and harder with his tongue while his hands stayed so calm and gentle at the back of his neck. Sean broke away first, tucking his face into the juncture of Viggo’s throat and collarbone as he caught his breath, his mouth spilling out words quickly, recklessly for him.

“Love you, Vig. Don’t want to be apart again. I love you.”

His murmurings were interspersed with kisses on Viggo’s neck, his jaw. A sense of fear was pouring out of Sean all of the sudden and Viggo stopped him, pulling Sean’s chin upward, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Sean?” he said slowly.

The word was just a placeholder; the communication was flying back and forth between green and blue eyes. Viggo was searching, his eyes flickering as he studied Sean’s face. Sean held his gaze as best he could but he felt so churned up inside that it was hard to focus. He was being bombarded by new things brought in from the world that existed apart from this man that he loved and himself. He realized that this phone call – this bridge back to his ‘real life’ – had been his first go at having Viggo so immersed, so much more than just a friend of the family. He’d truly felt like they were partners while they both laughed and kidded with the girls, sharing common jokes and bringing the girls into them as well.

The realization that he wanted – needed – this relationship to carry over into that part of his life had hit him all at once and it had been so certain and so absolute that he’d suddenly been smiling with the thought. But right behind it had come this total fear. He wasn’t sure he knew how to bring Viggo into his life in that way. He knew he was in love with a totality that he’d never experienced before and he wanted it to never end, he wanted Viggo there with him for all of it, but he’d not yet thought through how to bring that up with his girls or his ex-wives or, God forbid, the press that would seize this and hound them all endlessly. He felt panicked, pure and simple. And then he’d stood up and turned to face that man, his man…and his love and desire had swept through him in a huge rush of want and need that demanded these kisses.

Viggo seemed to see something in those green eyes. There was a subtle shift in his own…a closing off of something. The blue was suddenly flatter.

There was a knock at the trailer door and a voice called for Viggo to be back on set. Viggo finally let his eyes leave Sean’s. He looked down, straightening his leather jacket, rearranging the sword at his hip. When he looked back up, he was again Alatriste. He nodded at Sean, stroked his gaze slowly and thoughtfully over his face, and then he turned and headed back to work.

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Sean knew he wasn’t thinking rationally. But he also figured that a blazing heterosexual such as himself – a public figure with kids and ex-wives – quite possibly owed himself one good meltdown over a change of this sort.

Fuck! He’d been straight as an arrow forever and now there was this. He’d loved Viggo almost since he’d met him, and now it was even better. Within himself there were no doubts. Shit, there were no doubts within himself or within the context of his life, his career, whatever. He wanted him and had reached a point where he wasn’t sure he could fathom not having him. But there was fear. Plain old, kid-at-school-type fear of being the one to be different, to be looked at and talked about, to be thought less of. And he was scared of what his girls would think. Could they in some way interpret this to mean he was less of a father, less of a man? He thought not...thought he could handle that nonsense. But then he pictured the rabid English press and how he knew they would go after him, his ex-wives, and worst of all, his babies. The thought chilled him and he felt nauseous. The ideas were whirring around in his head far too fast to be processed in any rational way.

He was ashamed of this, ashamed and angry at himself. This type of fear was not him. And the by-product of it was purely unfair to Viggo. And yet there it was. He just needed to sort it out and get past it.

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Viggo was back on set and back in the skin of Alatriste. In the back of his mind somewhere, he kept wondering what it was he’d seen in Sean’s eyes.

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That night, they planned to go up to the pub to get takeaway and were both getting dressed after a joint shower. Frodo was settled in his crate in the trailer, sound asleep and laying upside down where he’d wriggled into his blue blanket. He never budged as Viggo opened the crate and laid on the floor taking pictures of him for Sean to email to the girls. Sean caught himself smiling at the simple fact that Viggo thought to do that for them. He was also smiling because the man with no shirt lying on the cramped floor to take a picture of this puppy had the world’s most perfect ass and it was on display for him. He found himself kneeling over him, ghosting kisses around the back of his neck as he massaged his muscular shoulders. He loved the smoothness of Viggo’s skin – silky and soft over tight, non-giving muscle. He kissed down his spine and then back up again, pressing down against Viggo with his hardened cock. He lifted up a bit as Viggo turned over beneath him, the Dane’s own arousal evident as well. Sean leaned down, kissing those firm lips softly and reverently, and he felt Viggo’s hands at his waist and then tighter around his back. He laid flatter against him, pressing the lengths of their bodies together as he settled between Viggo’s spread legs.

Viggo kissed under his chin and then under his ear and he paused there, pressing his cheek more firmly against Sean’s as he whispered to him, “I love you, Sean. This is real. It’s real here…and it can be real there if you can do it. I know what I want.”

Sean hugged tighter to Viggo, feeling the sudden bite of tears in his eyes.

“I love you back, you know,” he whispered. “Completely.” He felt the fear again and he raised up, looking into Viggo’s face, pushing back the long shaggy Alatriste hair with both hands so that he could see all of that face beneath him.

Viggo’s expression was sympathetic and also somehow a little guarded. Sean realized that the other man didn’t know how far Sean was willing to take this. He didn’t trust Sean to fight through this, to find a way to make it work for them. With breath-stealing pain, he realized that Viggo’s doubts were ones he could not alleviate.

He lurched away from Viggo, torn between what he wanted and needed and who he needed to protect. The tears he’d felt earlier came to him then and crossed over the barrier of his lashes. He was ashamed and turned away from Viggo, embarrassed by his tears and his doubt. He jabbed fiercely at the inner corners of his eyes with thumb and forefinger, wiping away the sadness and fear that he couldn’t yet manage. Viggo has risen as well, and stood well away from him, leaning back against the countertop, arms folded as he watched him. Sean heard him draw a long breath before he spoke.

“I understand your fear, Sean. I can’t imagine how hard this must be, especially given your girls and the way the press will react once they see us together.” He caught himself. “If they see us together.”

Sean stayed where he was but he listened.

“I think it would be easier for me. And for Henry. I somehow am able to avoid any sort of reputable expectations.” He laughed lightly, hollowly. “So no one will really care so much if I want to be with a man. And trust me, Henry has seen every flavor of relationship there is between my friends and his mother's. He can handle it. And he’s always liked you a lot.”

Sean dropped onto the bed, allowing himself to fall backward, his hand still shielding his eyes.

“I could take it, Vig. It’s worth everything I have and am to keep feeling this.” The hand came away and red-rimmed green eyes looked at Viggo. “But how do I protect me family? I won’t be able to take the bloody vultures following them and hounding them with questions, pictures in all the rags. And what of us? It will be a nonstop battle to have any privacy, any quality of life at all.”

The trailer was suddenly quiet, overfilled with care and regrets, the silence broken only when a groggy puppy stretched in his sleep and made a few contented grunts.

Viggo didn’t say anything for a very long time, nor did Sean. They felt each other’s concern and love and fear and they considered.

Comments

[angiepen.livejournal.com]

I'm glad they talked about this. I would've been very easy to have them just sort of edge away from each other, each wondering what's going on with the other, or making mistaken assumptions or whatever. That's the Cheap-N-EZ way to create conflict and plot, but it also tends to be boring and annoying for the readers, who are wondering why the hell these two idiots don't just talk to each other like normal people. Kudos for not taking the easy way.

Angie

[shegollum.livejournal.com]

TY very much! Means a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I make them talk too much! ;-)

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

Thought exactly the same as Angie. They´re two ripe, experienced men and in some fics they behave like three-year-olds and are not able to talk about the simplest conflicts. I like how you implicite their families and their love for their children.