Hurt (part 3)

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Title: Hurt (3)
Rating: R
Pairing: VM/SB
Author: govi20

Archive: rugbytackle
Summary: how can something wrong feel so good?

DISCLAIMER: This story is FICTION; is NOT true, and did NOT happen. I write these stories for fun, and don't make any profit whatsoever from them. Do not know these celebrities and am NOT making any claims about what they do (or enjoy) in real life.

 

We need to talk. We really do need to talk. But I can’t get myself to facing you alone.
Because it could so easily come again. I still can’t believe how this could happen.
I mean, you were the strong one, our leader never faltering and we all trusted on you..
Leadership comes so natural with you and still you handed over the reigns to me that night.
After all those talking we did together, mostly my problems, my wives, my kids.
You must have known I always fuck up Viggo, how can you expect strength in me?
But still you did. You said you trusted me.
I hate violence, I really do. But there’s a lot of violence in me, though I’ve learned to control it. The hard way, when I was still young.
Spending the night at the police station with blood on my face and raw knuckles I’ve learned to control it. But it’s still there.
It was very easy for me to reach inside and find that rage again when I played Jason in Essex Boys. And very hard to shake him off again.
And I thought I left that all behind me when I met you. I was so sure you could cure me and it felt like you did.
That night, how can I describe what it was like. I never did drugs, except the occasionally joint, shared with you, but I am sure this was how those people using LSD must have felt in the sixties: fucking high…
And we entered another world, a world in which everything was just coloured with love and lust. I was unleashed and it felt good. How can it feel good hurting you Viggo, tell me?
And when I awoke I saw your face, so beautiful, so serene and I thought that for the first time in my life I managed to get there: the place I wanted to be.
And then I lowered my eyes and saw the marks and the bruises on your body, knowing that I had done that.

What else will happen if we do this again Viggo? Will it consume us both, leaving us shattered? I am very afraid to find out.
But we can’t go on like this, can we?
We really need to talk.

Comments

Hello

[faramirgirl.livejournal.com]

I really like the way that you are writing Sean's feelings about his relationship with Viggo. Looking forward to reading more.

Re: Hello

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thank you Faramirgirl for your feedback!

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

There are so many thoughts I share (and I had the same impression of Sean as "Jason"). The thought occured to me, that traditionally in literature or movies all BDSM-relationships end badly. They always destroy each other psychologically or kill each other in the end. It seems to be a common moral judgement that such a relationship is bad and and cannot end well.
I think it´s one of the achievements of slash-writing that it can show the "happy side" of BDSM -when it´s not about destroying the other´s will and personality, but about showing such a depth of love and devotion that you even take pain for your lover as a symbolic gesture how far you are ready to go for that love. But it´s clear that it´s a difficult process to come to that way of thinking.
v

[nanathecat.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed by your comments.

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

Thank you! When the subject is so interesting, I try to say more than just "Hmm, nice" - and I like discussion.

[govi20.livejournal.com]

I agree with you mostly Rotpunkt, though I am not quite sure how this story will end myself. It's an interesting issue. Thanks for your point of view: it really helps me writing this.

[nanathecat.livejournal.com]

Mmm...nice piece of work again!
Relationship based on violence and sex is not to my taste usually, but I like it in your case, because I translated that the theme of this story is not the violence itself, but how they accept and manage the dark impulse towards violence both SB and VM have their deep inside. It's interesting theme because I think no one can be perfectly freed from violently emotion or impulsion to a greater or lesser extent.

BTW Could you give them message from me: "Just see face to face and talk!"
;P

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your constant support Nanathecat! It's really nice to know that more people then just me are interested in this aspect.

[mooms.livejournal.com]

You already know, Govi, that I love this story and the way you are developing it. I find this area of the darker side of human sexuality fascinating and I agree with Nanathecat that we all have violent impulses. Rotpunkt's comments are as always well thought out and expressed, but although I understand about the person taking the pain, to show the depths of love and trust, the effects on the person inflicting the pain still tend to disturb me. I love the way that you depict Sean as questioning giving way to this impulse in himself.

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thank you Mooms for your nice comment.I am very pleasantly surprised by the way other people seem to be interested in not so much the act, as in the way it effects people. It's something I just recently discovered to have interest in.

[fawsley.livejournal.com]

I wrote a great long detailed comment and then the bloody server went down and Iost it all, so here we go again.

Basically I was saying that not only am I finding this series beautifully and sensitively written (Sean's reaactions are so realistic - the fear and flight of many new subs) but that the thoughts and reactions, the way people are examing and expressing their feelings here is fantastic.

BDSM is still, as rotpunkt pointed out, so often regarded as 'wrong' and doomed to failure, but it is this perception that is wrong. If slash writing can provide a forum for people to explore the truth of what BDSM relationships really entail, then that can only be for the good of us all.

Incidentally, all my bunnies for the 50kinkyways challenge have absconded. If anyone spies 47 bunnies running wild and giggling when they should be back here with me and working for their carrots, please bundle them in a sack and return them to South London.
Thankyou.

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Wow! I think you're right. It is wonderful that stories can inspire people to discuss matters in an open way.
It feels sometimes frustrating not to be able to say things like you would really want because of the language.
But I must have been, if only a little, able to transport the feelings of the men and I am glad about that.

[tearsandrainxxx.livejournal.com]

oh, this is lovely
is there an update?

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thanks! There will be an update soon.

[tearsandrainxxx.livejournal.com]

glad to hear it

[danichatterley.livejournal.com]

<> What do you mean? End? Tell me it's gonna take more 20 or 30 chapters until this ends or it will be a very sad day...

Seriously, after all those wonderful comments there's no much for me to say but your writing is amazing, you didn't turn BDSM into plot less porn. And I'm loving Sean <3

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot: all your comments really mean a lot to me. And yes...I love Sean too. I am certain there's more to him than just the rough Yorkshire guy!

[bijou69.livejournal.com]

Sean's pain is palpable through what you're writing. I hope that Viggo will be able to cure him.