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rugbytackleTitle: Rain 2/2
Author: mooms
Pairing: VM/SB
Rating: R
Summary: It’s still raining
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Written for fun, not profit. This is a work of imagination and does not imply anything about the real life activities of either person.
Archive : Viggo_cursive and rugbytackle
Rain
Part 2
Sean raised his head from his crossed arms and winced at the crick in his neck.
His limbs were stiff and he arched his back in a feline stretch, realizing that he must have fallen asleep sitting by the window. It was still dark, probably around five in the morning. Depressed, he registered that the rain was still streaming down relentlessly and his breath had fogged the chilled window pane.
He stood up painfully and went into the bathroom, feeling every year of his life in his creaking joints. As he used the toilet, he reflected that he had pretty much abused his body all his adult life. Now, approaching 47, his body was fighting back. What had happened to the resilience of youth ? It had sneaked out of the back door, while his attention had been distracted !
Washing his hands, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. His face certainly had a “lived in” look these days ! He had enjoyed every minute of getting those lines and he wore them proudly like medals, but now it took that much longer for his body to recover from the previous night’s excesses.
He brushed his teeth to try and get rid of the combined taste of stale cigarettes and whisky, strangely redolent of burning tyres and he sighed at the feeling of emptiness at his core. It was not hunger, well, not hunger for food at least. Sean sighed heavily.
He wandered disconsolately back into the living room. Maybe he would try just once more to ring Viggo’s number. He did a mental calculation to see what the time would be in LA, although it was not as if Viggo kept to regular hours, any more than he conformed in any other way. A smile crossed his face at the memory of Viggo’s idiosyncrasies and endearing little quirks, but died abruptly, with the physical pain that stabbed his guts, when he remembered that he might never get to be alternately charmed and irritated by them again.
With phone in hand, he found himself over by the window again and as he waited for the numbers to connect, he absent-mindedly rubbed a porthole in the steamed-up glass.
As usual, he was through to an answering machine, too full to take any further messages. Frustrated, he began to dial Viggo’s cell phone, in the vain hope that he might actually have it with him and even, by some remote chance, switched on, although he had no idea, what he would actually say to Viggo and his gut clenched at the thought. *Why the hell can’t I let this go and move on ?* He suspected, nervously, that he was beginning to know the answer.
I just wasn’t fair. It reminded Sean of three failed marriages and countless other doomed relationships, where Sean seemed to have been expected to be a mind reader. He was supposed to know what people were thinking and feeling without them actually coming out and saying anything, then the unspoken stuff was held against him.
He hadn’t been given the opportunity to revisit his feelings in light of this secret knowledge and before he knew it, things had been irretrievable. When he had actually felt ready to talk about stuff, it always seemed to be too bloody late !
Of course, Vig’s phone was switched off and Sean was about to hurl his phone across the room in exasperation, when his eyes were drawn to his port-hole and he squinted, trying to make out the blurred shape on the other side of the street.
For a moment, his mind flipped and he felt that he was really on the bridge of a ship, looking through the rain and spray at a lighthouse, but then the light dawned and the shape morphed into a huddled human figure, standing out in the rain and simply watching.
Suddenly Sean was out of the door and taking the steps down to the street two at a time, aches forgotten in the panic to know. Unbidden, he found the lines from a Maroon 5 song running in his head,
“I don’t mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain”
Racing across the deserted street, Sean grabbed the soaking figure and dragged him back to the block and up the stairs, not stopping until they had reached Sean’s flat, where he shut the door and leaned against it, panting, scarcely able to believe what had just happened.
Viggo was standing in front of him, rain dripping from the brim of his Stetson hat and joining the various streams of water, now making a melancholy little puddle on Sean’s highly polished parquet flooring. His head was bowed and his shoulders drooped in a defeated way, which Sean could not bear.
Neither of them said anything for what seemed like an age, then Sean realized that they were both shivering, he with emotion and Viggo, to judge by the way his teeth were chattering, from the likelihood of hypothermia.
Ignoring the fact that Viggo was wetter than anyone he had ever seen, he pulled him into a hug, then practical considerations taking over, he directed the unresisting man into the bathroom, where he started running a hot bath, while pulling off wet clothes.
Once he had seen his friend settled into the steaming tub, Sean made coffee with a strong shot of spirits and returned with two mugs. Viggo was lying back in the water with his eyes closed and putting the mugs down, Sean knelt on the bath-mat and spoke softly,
“Vig !”
Viggo opened his eyes and looked directly into Sean’s for the first time. Sean’s heart turned over at the sorrow and uncertainty he saw there.
“Sean, I’m so sorry,” his voice was a croaky whisper.
“But, Vig, what are yer doing here ? Why didn’t yer call or answer my calls ?”
“I told you to go ! I got mad and didn’t explain or talk things out. I behaved unforgiveably. You had the right to hate me for the way I treated you.” Viggo closed his eyes again.
“But I left messages, yer stupid sod !” Sean knew that he was raising his voice in annoyance now,
“Why would I do that if I hated yer, or didn’t want owt to do with yer?”
He recognised that he was angry with Viggo out of relief, in the way that you are with your kids, when they have really frightened you, by disappearing or doing something dangerous and then, when you find them safe, you shout at them, because you love them.
*Because you love them*
“Fucking hell ! I love yer, yer bugger !”
Viggo’s eyes snapped open this time and raked Sean’s face in surprise, reading surprise mirrored there.
Sean’s admission had clearly startled him as much as it had startled Viggo. He gripped Sean’s hand and kept eye-contact determinedly.
“Sean, I have loved you since practically the moment I met you, but you seemed to be happy with our relationship as fuck-buddies, so I settled for what I could get, figuring that if that was the only way I could have you, I’d take it. It has been so hard, though and getting harder all the time.”
“Yer never said, though.”
“Because I figured you didn’t have a clue and it would scare you off. I didn’t want to lose you, Sean, even though I didn’t really have you. If I couldn’t have the loaf, I’d put up with the crumbs. Then in
“But ye’re here ! Why stand out there in the rain ?”
“Had to come in the end. I tried to throw myself into work to save me thinking about it and I’d tried to convince myself that at this stage in my life I didn’t want any more commitments and wasn’t going to make any more promises, that I couldn’t bear the weight of other people’s expectations. Didn’t work, though. After the exhibition, I just had to get a flight and try to see you. Even if this was the end, I needed to tell you in person ,needed you to tell ME in person, but when I got here, I chickened out and just stood, watching that light in your window. I’m so sorry.”
“No, Vig ! It’s me, who should apologise, for pushing stuff to the back of me mind to avoid discussing it and being too stupid to acknowledge me feelings. And ah’ve failed to come up to a lot of people’s expectations in the past, so if we fail, at least we’ll fail together. Now for fuck’s sake, get out of that water and come to bed !”
Viggo dried himself with one of Sean’s huge fluffy towels and was waiting in bed, when Sean came out of the shower and joined him.
As Sean approached the bed, he felt ridiculously nervous, as if the change in their relationship made this a first-time, but the sight of Viggo lying there, bathed in the soft light of the bedside lamp took his breath away. Viggo was still the most beautiful man he had ever seen and seen like this, he was irresistible. They had shared sex, often pretty rough, over the years, but that had been fucking, whereas this time, they would be making love.
“I know,” Viggo stretched a hand out to Sean and pulling him into a passionate kiss, “not quite the same person now. I feel it too, but this is right, Sean, whatever happens.”
So Sean abandoned himself and set about worshipping Viggo’s body with his hands and mouth, taking it slow, until neither of them could stand it any longer and Sean found himself sheathed fully in Viggo’s silken heat.
As he thrust into his lover, varying the angle to brush his prostate and elicit delicious groans of pleasure, Sean gripped Viggo’s erect cock and pumped it, timing his movements to coincide with each thrust.
Viggo came seconds before him and Sean roared triumphantly, as he spent himself and subsided onto Viggo’s trembling body. He felt a mixture of emotions, pleasure, relief, happiness and finally a calm and peace of mind he had not felt in years.
After a while, he rolled to one side and reached for wet wipes from the bedside table to clean them both up, then lay facing Viggo, aware that he was grinning like an idiot and the idiot was grinning back at him.
“Sean, that was……”
“It was……different, special. How long can yer stay ?”
“ I need to back in LA for Henry’s birthday so, just about a week, but Sean….”
“What ?”
“We’ll work this out. We’ll work US out somehow.”
“We will and Vig,” almost shyly, “next time, I think I might be ready to switch with you.”
Viggo raised an eyebrow,
“Sean Bean bottoming? That must be a first !”
“ It will be, actually, so be gentle with me !”
Viggo’s infectious giggle caused Sean to burst out laughing too, and they rolled happily together, delighting in the new dimension to their relationship.
Later, they curled up together exhausted, Sean’s head on Viggo’s chest and as he drifted off to sleep, Viggo’s heartbeat was counterpointed by the drumming of the rain against the window.
THE END
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Date: 2006-01-23 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-01-24 05:31 pm (UTC)That is such a wise sentence. And it feels right that now, that they know it´s really love, they are able to switch and be equals in everything.
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Date: 2006-01-24 11:30 pm (UTC)