In a dark cupboard

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Pairing: VM/SB

Rating: R

Archiving: Rugbytackling

Author:govi20

Summary: Viggo has regrets too. Sequel to “Shower”

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know these men, it never happened, it’s all just in my head!

 

He paces through his livingroom, unable to settle down. Feels worried, guilty and angry at the same time. Why doesn’t Sean answer his phone? It must be because he doesn’t want to talk to him after last night.

 

He shouldn’t have done it, not even when Sean asked him to. Because he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that. But he still did it. And he’s so sorry but not truly sorry now. He will never be able to forget though.

 

Of course he had known from the beginning. But Sean was so obviously straight. He was happy that Sean wanted to be his friend he told himself. And all the things that were on his mind were stored. Stored in this dark cupboard he had, somewhere in his head.

 

Stored until he picked the moment to get them out and play with them. The things happening during work, Sean turning his head and beaming that wide happy grin. Or Sean’s big hands grabbing his arms when he almost fell, steadying him.

 

Or just looking at him during filming, his concentration. His dedication. The easy way he flipped into a frenzy. His integrity. Even when there were so much personal problems invading his life. He just did whatever was asked of him.

 

Im the mean while every look on his face, every time those incredible green eyes looked into his, each touch, it was all stored. Stored on his own private dark cupboard. Waiting for him to take out and relish...

 

He’d thought he controlled the situation. Then Sean showed up on his doorstep yesterday night. Asking for help, for strength and comfort. Somewhere in his head a little voice was shouting but whispering a warning. Of course he choose to ignore that.

 

Sean reached out and kissed him, then his mind just died and his body took over. Even though it looked like something Sean had asked for, he knew it was a lie. It was almost more then he could bear.

 

Every kiss, every touch, every breath they exchanged brought him to unknown places. Making him think about how no one could ever take that away from him. How his cupboard had opened, revealing those dark secrets. The ones he used at night to satisfy his need, if only for the moment.

 

He would have this night now, new things to put in his dark cupboard and treasure. But there was no way Sean wouldn’t have noticed his elation. He just couldn’t hide his own craving and selfishness. Sean’s inabillaty to talk afterwards, the way he turned his face away, not able to look at him. It told him all he needed to know.

 

But he still believed they needed to talk. He was not going to put up with just let it be. They had to talk. So he called him and called him again and again. But Sean never answered, making his guilt wear even heavier on him. He looked at his damned cellphone. Opened his window and just threw the fucking thing out. There.

 

"Shower" you'll find here:

http://govi20.livejournal.com/13203.html#cutid1

 

 

Comments

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

Brillant turn. It´s always those misunderstandings, the issues each one brings into a relationship what makes things so difficult. It´s great that BOTH of them feel equally guilty, for different reasons. Looking forward to seeing them talk it over!

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Where would slash writers be without misunderstandings? I really don't know yet if I'll let them talk it out, still thinking about that. Thanks for the feedback Rotpunkt!

[mooms.livejournal.com]

Oh Govi, you must write part 3 and let them resolve it, to make sappy people, like me happy !! As I have said elsewhere, you write these two so well !!

[govi20.livejournal.com]

I really don't know Mooms, I'll think about it. Thanks for your comment, dear!

[nanathecat.livejournal.com]

Their regrets and their ways how to deal with them are very painful and realistic. As rotpunkt mentioned above, they feel guilty and regret for different reasons, and that reveals their personalities and characteristics very well:
Sean fears to go track off his moral and sexuality, but Viggo's fear is about losing control himself.
They are very different each other, therefore, I want to know whether they can create new relationship or there is no way but just to pretend as being friends, knowing they can't be friends like before. Hope the idea of its sepuel comes up to you!

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Thank yu for that very thought over comment. I think you are right. It is rather hard to write a sequel for me, I am thinking about it, but just don't want it to be an too easy make up between those two, it wouldn't feel right.