Birthday Products/viggojo's birthday fic

[govi20.livejournal.com]

Title : Birthday Products
Pairing : Frank Hopkins/Ian Howe/viggojo
Rating : NC-17
Warning : RFS. het
Author :  Mooms (Frank) Govi20 (Ian)

DISCLAIMER : NOT true, all lies

Birthday Products

 

~Jo~

I wake up realizing it’s my birthday today. No visiting friends or family today though ; they’ll all be coming Sunday. But then again, it’s my birthday and I deserve a treat. Of course, there will be some cards and perhaps some gifts by post, but the postman hasn’t arrived yet.

So, after showering and a quick breakfast I sit down at the computer, looking for some real nice het. Some fics where I can picture myself in the place of the female. A nice hot intermezzo with Frank the cowboy on the hot reins, or Ian, the treacherous, but - oh so sexy – cheat.

It’s terrible, but I can’t seem to find anything. Nowadays everyone seems to write slash. I mean I found Frank – fucking Cowboy from The Big Empty – and I found Ian – fucking Walker Jerome, I mean really ... !

What’s a girl gotta do to have a little het sex here ?

Then the doorbell rings.

 

~UPS Driver~

 

“Good morning, Ma’am ! If I may say so, it’s a beautiful day to make a delivery to such a beautiful woman ! If you wouldn’t mind signing here, here, here, and here, I’ll get the crates from the van.

 

You know, I get some pretty weird things to deliver in my job and I must say that these crates have me quite intrigued.  They are taller than I am and are damn heavy too. A nice cold beer with you on your birthday ? Well, I guess I won’t say no, though it’s a little early and I am driving, but I expect you don’t want to drink alone. Oh, you’re used to drinking alone at breakfast time ? Well, I’ll keep you company anyway !

 

Now where do you want ‘em ? In the hallway ? Guess I’ll just park ‘em here, side by side and let you get on with opening your birthday presents. You sure have some generous friends, Ma’am.

 

You have a good day now and try and pace yourself a little with those cold ones, eh ?”

 

~Sean/Ian Howe~

I was only “born” this morning. There was so much hurry : they didn’t even bother to give me the stuff that makes you forget, makes you live without a past. Dr. Merrick told me and my companion frankly. I am #47095661 and he’s #47095562.

We’re different from the other clones living here. He was  what they call a cowboy in those long forgotten years and I am a bad guy called Ian Howe. He’s wearing this riding outfit, while I am wearing a suit, not quite as nice as Dr. Merrick’s, but still a nice blue suit.

We are sent out for a mission. Someone paid an awful lot of money to let us be these blokes. Our mission is some woman called Jo, who would like to have sex with us both. I am just a clone, so I shouldn’t be bothered, but it’s still a bit strange. I look at #47095562 – Dr. Merrick says I should call him Frank now – to see what he thinks.

He smiles a strange smile at me and then steps into the crate we are to be shipped in.

‘Good looking guy,’ I think while I step into mine obediently and listen to them nailing the lid.

 

~Jo~

There are some smaller boxes too, but I am mostly impressed by the two large crates the delivery guy brings. I must say he doesn’t look too bad either, but perhaps that’s just me and my lack of het ! I invite him for an early beer, bearing ‘The Postman always rings twice’ in mind, but this one seems a bit scared.

He does drink a beer with me, but then leaves me alone with my gifts. I have to fetch some tools to open them. I’ve already had a few drinkies so I am not very steady, but I finally succeed in opening my first box. I can’t believe my eyes when Frank Hopkins steps out : YES!

Then I work like crazy on the second one, revealing Ian Howe.. Oh My God.. I am speechless.

Then Frank speaks :

”Happy Birthday Ma’am, we are..”

And Ian follows up :

“to fuck you ! Now how about that? “

 

~Viggo/Frank Hopkins~

 

Well how about that ?

 

This Ian  sure gets to the point ! I would’a held back a little to avoid spookin’ the lady, but judgin’ by the way she’s undressin’ him with her eyes an’ lickin’ her lips, she ain’t exactly no lady !

 

Can’t say I blame her, though ! Ian sure is a fine figure of a man.

Now she’s turnin’ her attention to me an’ her appraisin’ stare goes straight to my cock, which sits up an’ takes notice.

 

I pride myself on being a good judge of horseflesh and dang me, but  she’s a fine woman. Good, sturdy thighs ! I bet she has a good seat on a horse. Wouldn’t mind her ridin’ a cowboy either.

 

She grabs Ian by his tie an’ pulls him in for a kiss that must ‘a knocked his socks off !

 

Then she grabs me by my kerchief an’ pulls me in fer a kiss as well.

 

“Bedroom ! Now ! “ she snaps at us, leadin’ the way an’ yankin’ us along behind her. “And you, cowboy – bring your rope !”

 

~Jo~

 

I nearly skid in the pool of drool on the floor, as I drag my two hunky birthday presents to the bedroom !

 

Did a gal ever have two better friends than Mooms  and Govi ? Their presents this year are inspired…….and so am I !

 

Once in the bedroom, I lose no time in fully unwrapping them ! They are near perfect replicas of the real thing, except that where Sean should have his Blades tattoo, Ian has  #47095561 and Frank has a corresponding one - #47095562. 

 

I silently give thanks that they didn’t desecrate the Sacred Arse, or Viggo’s cute, tight little butt as I rip off the rest of the wrappings in a frenzy, panting, as I run my hands over the well-defined musculature of their chests, Ian’s silky smooth and Frank’s slightly furry.

 

Now, where to begin ? I am almost delirious with pleasure and we really haven’t got going yet.

 

I am about to make a decision, when Ian steps forward and begins to undo my shirt from the front, while Frank moves behind me and begins sliding my pants down.

 

~Sean/Ian Howe~

Although a bit eager, this Jo seems nice enough and not shy at all, so I step forward and unbutton her blouse, while Frank’s hands are on the waistband of her pants.

I watch those tanned strong hands moving over her now exposed body and I feel an un-clone like shiver running over my back. My eyes catch his over Jo’s shoulder and he winks at me. This is not healthy : I must cling to what Dr. Merrick told me and fuck Jo, go back to the good Dr. and be destroyed.

My hands are now stroking Joan’s firm breasts and she’s moaning. When I lean in to nuzzle her neck, Frank does the same, making our mouths meet. I straighten up and say :

“Where did you leave that rope Frank? I think the birthday girl is a bit too eager, let’s teach her some patience.”

 

~Jo~

I am quite surprised by the way these guys manhandle me : I mean they are clones. But it’s not like I am running the show here, I watch Ian’s nimble hands cupping my breasts, while I lean back in the rough caresses of Frank’s calloused hands.

Ian’s mouth closes over mine, while Frank pulls me slowly towards the bed. Just a little push is all I need to lie down and they lie down beside me . I close my eyes while their hands stroke my body. This is the best birthday ever I think while a moan escapes my lips.

I hear Ian saying something about a rope, but who cares.. ?

Just lying there, anticipating what's coming next, three hands stroking me...

WAT A MINUTE : THREE HANDS ???

I open my eyes, just in time to see Frank’s hand reaching over me, stroking Ian’s hair. But before I can even  protest, I feel a skilled hand sliding between my legs, and I forget what I was protesting about.

Then Frank takes both my hands in his, kisses the wrists and ties them together. My arms are pulled above my head and tied to the head board.
Now I am helpless, unable to resist whatever they want.

 

~Viggo/Frank Hopkins~

 

Now we’ve managed to unwrap her too, Jo sure looks mighty purty, lying stretched out on the bed and we both start to carry out our job, the purpose we were born for.

 

Ian asks me about my rope an’ I have to say that he looks mighty purty too, lying there, all golden in the mornin’ light. Jo has closed her eyes and arched he back in pleasure and  I can’t resist sneakin’ out a hand an’ strokin’ Ian’s hair, while the other works itself down Jo’s eager body.

 

Dang! She’s noticed something, ‘cuz her eyes flash open, but Ian distracts her, by homin’ in on  her pussy, with one of his strong, beautiful hands.

 

Time for a little ropin’ an’ tyin’, I agree an’ I soon have Jo’s wrists tied to the headboard.

She closes her eyes again, as she writhes against Ian’s nimble fingers, so I sneak a quick kiss with him, before I start to work on her with my mouth an’ hands.

 

~Jo~

 

I strain against the ropes, not that I want to get away, but not being able to touch the boys is sheer, sweet torment, as they work their magic on my already more than willing body.

 

Ian is moving down my right side, one strong hand stroking, caressing and squeezing, while skilled fingers slide into my core, his hot mouth kissing, licking, nibbling and teasing,

 

Frank’s hands are rough and calloused, but always gentle, but firm, as they mimic Ian’s actions on the other side. His agile tongue circles my nipple then he nibbles gently.

 

I am incapable of keeping still under their ministrations, and I move my hips up, desperate with need, to meet Ian’s hand. He chuckles wickedly, then I shriek with pleasure, as his hand is replaced by his mouth and he thrusts his tongue into me, swirling it round my throbbing nub and making me practically fly off the bed.

 

I feel as if I will die from pleasure, but what a way to go !

 

 

~Sean/Ian Howe~

I am quite surprised when I feel Frank’s hand stroke my hair, but it feels good. Just in time I notice Jo’s gaze and I let my hand slip down her body, caressing her pussy. She starts squirming and closes her eyes in delight.

Frank and I look at each other over her trembling body and then he bends over and kisses me quick. Damn, that felt good. I think Dr. Merrick made a little mistake when cloning us. I mean Jo looks good, but so does Frank. I never suspected a #47095562 to look that hot and handsome!

I realize Jo’s beginning to sound rather needy, so I slide down her writhing body, to taste her, while Frank works her nipple.


~Jo~

Oh god, this must be the best birthday I ever had. Ian might be a clone, but he sure knows what he’s doing. He’s almost fucking me with his tongue and I can’t help but cry out with every new wave of pleasure rippling through my body.

Then Frank gets down too, joining in and now I am attacked by four stroking hands and two tongues. ‘This is what heaven must feel like,’ I think while I look down on their heads, moving so close together.

They work my clit until I can no longer bear it and orgasm hits me. Someone is screaming, and I think it must be me.

 

~Viggo/Frank~

 

I figure we have toyed with Jo enough, as she screams in ecstasy.

 

My eyes meet Ian’s and I wink at him, urgin’ him on. He winks back an’ then thrusts his impressive cock into Jo, causin’ her to howl like a timber wolf in heat.

 

I watch him drive into her and have to fist my own weeping cock, as the sight of Ian in action is more than a body can stand. Shit ! But I wish it was me on the receivin’ end of Ian’s pile-driver an’ that thought makes me shoot, as Ian comes explosively an’ Jo manages her second within minutes.

 

Recoverin’ first, I scoot up the bed an’ untie Jo’s wrists, rubbin’ them gently, where the ropes have chafed. Her lips are red and swollen with passion, so I dive in fer a kiss, which she seems to enjoy a lot.

 

She makes a kind of growlin’ noise an’ before I know what has hit me, she has me rolled onto my back an’ is straddlin’ me, with an evil glint in her eye.

 

Ian props himself up on his elbow an’ smiles as he runs a hand down my hip, which makes my cock wake up pretty quick, much to Jo’s delight.

 

She licks her lips an’ ……..Fuck me ! Yeeha ! Let ‘er buck !

 

~Jo~

 

With help from Frank, Ian just gave me the two best orgasms I ever had, but like a mountain lion, who has tasted blood, I want more !

 

I am woman, hear me roar !!!!!

 

As soon as I am freed from the ropes and have been thoroughly kissed by the cowboy, I need to satisfy my urge to ride him !

 

Although he came while watching Ian and me, I see to my delight that he has recovered already ! Damn, but these clones are good  and it’s nice to know how effective my feminine charms are !

 

I launch myself onto him and impale myself on my stallion with joyous whoops,  which he answers as the race begins and Ian shouts encouragement from the rails.

 

 

~Sean/Ian Howe~

That Jo is one hungry woman : she has come twice already, but is riding Frank like a real Amazon. I enjoy watching them – not only Jo, her face contorted in ecstasy – but the way Frank rolls his hips and bucks up to meet her wild movements, make my cock jump again with arousal.

I really wouldn’t mind  taking over the reins from Jo, I think.. Give him the spurs so to speak. As much as I liked fucking Jo, I am now in for something harder and I begin thinking of how to get my wicked way with Frank before we are sent back to Dr. Merrick.

I stroke his hip and look at him intensely, and I think the message has come across when I see him wink at me again. He grabs her hips and speeds up his movements and within seconds she comes again. I give her a little breather and then say innocently :

“Say, Jo, we can stay for a few more hours, have some more fun. But it’s your birthday so where’s the cake ?”


~Jo~

Much too soon I come again, and I slump down on Frank’s muscled chest. He strokes my hair with his calloused hands, while Ian’s stroke my back. Slowly I get my breath back and roll off Frank. I realize it’s still early in the afternoon and hope my boys don’t have to go yet. I could do with a little rest and I am sure I am up for another round then.

Then Ian asks for cake and I realize I never got to do the shopping, as I started off with a drink this morning and decided to skip the food. But of course I cannot expect them to do their work without proper feeding. So I get up slowly to get to the nearest shop, and promise them to be back soon.

“Now boys, take some rest, and don’t get bored : I’ll be back in a tick !”

Just before I leave the room, I see them snuggling close up to each other and I smile : such sweet boys, they must be really tired !

 

~Viggo/Frank~

 

Alone at last ! #47095561 sure is a sneaky bastard, but, hey, we made Jo very happy on her birthday, so now it’s time for a little fun on our own.

 

Seconds after Jo leaves to get the cake, we are greedily devouring each other like a pair of starving coyotes.

 

It is crazy that we are not totally exhausted by our efforts already, but no, we are both up an’ rarin’ to go ! We just can’t get enough of each other, as we freely explore all the territory available. I have ter hand it to Dr Merrick, our creator, but as Ian takes my cock into his mouth and makes me squirm with pleasure, I know that I am not willin’ to go back in the crate to the lab.

 

I whimper a little, as Ian draws away, but it’s only ter grab the hand lotion from Jo’s nightstand an’ use it to prepare me. We both snigger at the scent of roses an’ gardenia, but ya gotta use what’s available an’ I throw my head back in pleasure, as he slides his beautiful, hard cock into me.

 

Ian rides me even harder than Jo, but it’s so good an’ we come together gloriously, shouting out our release an’ collapsin’ in a sweaty an’ tangled heap on the bed.

 

As we pant an’ try to get our breath back, we hear a strangled cry of anguish an’ turn guiltily to the doorway.

 

~Jo~

 

Nooooo!!!!

 

In slow motion, a triple tiered, death- by-chocolate, extra naughty, cream-swirled birthday gateau, with one enormous candle and a “fire-hazard” warning sticker*, slips from my nerveless fingers and splatters on the bedroom floor.

 

Not only have the boys betrayed me in my absence and are clearly having way too much fun without me, but the selfish bastards didn’t even let me watch. Although………I am somewhat distracted from my grief and righteous anger, by the sight of Ian’s gleaming and delicious ass, as he sprawls on Frank’s manly chest and they do look cute, tangled together and looking at me anxiously, like naughty puppies.

 

Suddenly, they are both on their knees at my feet, begging me so prettily not to send them back to Dr Merrick, but let them run away together and set up home here in Canada, where they will be able to hide away.

 

How can I refuse ? They are just too beautiful, so I make them both shag me a couple more times, because after all, it is still my birthday, and then I watch them dress, kiss them goodbye, tearfully and watch the cowboy ride off into the sunset, on a horse stolen from a neighbouring field, with Ian mounted behind him.

 

Sighing, I sit down in the kitchen with a nice cold beer and a plate of gateau, I managed to salvage from the floor. In spite of the pleasures I have experienced, I still can’t help feeling a little hurt that they preferred each other to me.

 

Then I see the sweet note, they left me, saying,

 

“Happy Birthday, Jo ! Same time next year ?” and I smile again.

* Authors’ note : Gov & Mooms can only get away with this cruel joke, as in spite of their dewy and youthful appearance, they are both even older than Jo.

 

Comments

[thepixieblonde.livejournal.com]

Can I visit you on your next birthday? I promise not to touch just watch. Yeah right!!! Who the hell am I kidding. Happy Birthday JO you have some great friends.
the selfish bastards didn’t even let me watch.
Thanks girls, I needed a little laugh on the holidays.

[mooms.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and commenting ! Glad we could make you chuckle !

[foxrafer.livejournal.com]

Thanks for making me laugh this morning. This was funny and hot, a delicious combination.

[mooms.livejournal.com]

Thank you ! We enjoyed writing it.

[joloui.livejournal.com]

heehee, this is too much fun! One more read and I won't be able to distinguish fact from fiction. In 40 years, swallowed up by dementia I going to be boring someone to death regaling them with the time I had Sean Bean and Viggo Mortensen in bed at the same time. Suddenly I'm looking forward to old age. LMAO
Thank you again so much *MWAH*

[rotpunkt.livejournal.com]

That was just plain fun! :D