Lord of my Heart - Chapter 4

[snuffle007.livejournal.com]

Title: Lord of my Heart
Chapter: 4 - Flying
Paring: Sean/Viggo
Rating: PG-13 (for now...NC-17 later...I promise)
Archive : Rugbytackling
Chapter Summary: Sean and his flight to New Zealand
Disclaimer: This is all lies and makebelieve. None of this happened...to my knowledge...it's all a product of my filthy imagination. I do not know these people or anything they get up to in the private lives. 
Authors Notes: This is set during the filming of LotR. They are already established as a couple. How this happened will be explained in later chapters. Each chapter is quite small...just a warning.

“Ok…I can do this…I can do this. Come on…think of Vig…do this for him” Sean muttered to himself, over and over as be prepared to board the plane. He could feel his heart rate increasing, he was sweating and shaking slightly God I hate flying! He took several deep breaths and pictured the look on Viggo’s face when he would greet him at the airport. He focused on that as much as he could and found it did help…a little. It helped enough for him to get onboard. But, he knew, that wasn’t the hardest part…that was take off and landing. He knew he would handle it, but he didn’t have to like it.

 

As he was shown to his seat and sat down, he felt very clostrophobic. He buckled his belt almost frantically and started his routine for dealing with the flight.

 

First, he read the safety instructions like his life depended on them…which he knew they did. Once that was done, he got his MP3 player out of his hand luggage and got the right track list ready. This track list had actually changed and that was thanks to Viggo. He convinced him that he needed relaxing music not his usual rock in order to calm himself down. But, he had the original list…just in case. Once that was done, he got his chewing gum packet out, because when stressed he normally smoked and chewing gum helped relieve that tension. Two pieces in and chewing, he was ready for the next stage.

 

Out of the bag came three items. One…a stress ball. This was to squeeze as the fear took him when the started down the runway. He used to just grab the armrest, but that was painful as the rest was too hard and hurt his fingers. The stress ball was ideal. Enough give so it didn’t hurt, but solid enough to grip as hard as he needed.

 

Item Two…this one was personal and always felt a little stupid having, but wouldn’t fly without. It was a collage of pictures of his daughters, his family and with a recent addition. A picture of Viggo. He would hold it and look at it whenever he felt afraid or anxious. Also, he knew (but never told anyone) that if anything should happen and the plane were to crash, he wanted to be able to see the faces of the people he loved before he died. The little collection of pictures would be in his pocket the whole flight.

 

Item Three…this was a brand new addition to his routine. It was actually given to him before his flight to London this last trip. He found it helped a great deal. It was only a necklace of string with a few little charms of stones, seashells, crystals. Nothing fancy but it wasn’t what was on it or what it was made of that was important, it was who it had come from and the sentiment behind it. It was one of Viggo’s. He wore it most of the time, said he’d had it a long time and would add things to it from places he visited. Viggo actually had several of them, but this one he’d said means the most to me because it is the oldest one. I’ve had it for nearly 15 years. I want you to take it with you, and whenever you feel lonely or afraid, hold it in your hand and think of me

 

Sean had to swallow hard to not cry at that. Sean had no idea when he’d become so emotional. Little things with Viggo tugged him deep inside and it took a lot of control to not start sobbing. Even though he felt it made him seem like a woman, he wouldn’t change it for anyone. He’d never been this closely conntected with anyone in his life, so it felt right to have all his emotions close to the surface. The thing that made him feel better was he knew that Viggo was just as bad as him, sometimes worse.

 

Sean took the charm necklance and twisted it around his fingers and hand so all the charms where in the palm. He idily stroked them with his thumb and felt the relief flow through him.

 

With his routine completed, all he had to do now, was deal with it. He’d not slept the night before, as he said he wouldn’t, and he had some over the counter sleeping pills. He didn’t like to drug himself up just to fly and he hated that he sometimes had to, but he would do anything to make the next 24 hours more bareable. He decided to hold off on the medication and see if he could sleep without them, see how bad the flight was first and then…maybe.

 

****

Take off

 

Sean grabbed the stress ball with all his might, turned his music on, closed his eyes, grit his teeth, fiddled mindlessly with the charm necklace and just hung on until it was all over, praying the whole time that the plane wouldn’t just fall from the sky as they accended.

 

1 hour into the flight

 

Ok…so they were up and flying now. Peope were walking around, which always made Sean nervous. He was listening to the music selection Viggo had programmed in and found it relaxing. It was calm, ‘new-age’ music of panpipes, whale song, sounds of the sea. Normally he wouldn’t listen to that, but Viggo had assured him it didn’t make him less of a man to do so. As usual, Sean believed everything Viggo said and agreed to try. He found now that Viggo had been right. It was beautiful music, songs of the Native Americans, songs from Native Africa, Australia even old Celtic music. All instrumental and highly calming. He closed his eyes and was asleep within minutes

 

6 hours into the flight

 

Sean was doing well. He’d slept about 4 hours, without medication, the food was pretty good. Even though he was in first class, airplane food always tasted like shite to him. He’d paid for the upgrade so that he could be more comfortable and lie out more so he could sleep. He always upgraded himself or just flat out paid for the whole ticket so he could. He didn’t care how much it cost to do that. The studio’s never paid for first class…at least…not for him. The in flight entertainment system kept him occupied, the film choices were good, there had been little to no turbulance so far, no babies screaming, no sounds of people suffering from air sickness. It was going well and Sean was proud that he’d only gone through half a packet of gum

 

8 hours into the flight

 

Sean wasn’t doing so well. They had flown into a hell storm of turbulance and they had been bumping and shaking around for about and hour now. Sean had worked through 3 packets of gum, and if he squeezed his stressball any harder it would explode. He took the pictures out of his pocket and looked at the people on it, closed his eyes and felt a little better.

 

10 hours into the flight

 

Sean was doing better. The had finally flown out of the turbulance, food had been served again, which was also not bad. He’d had a couple of beers, and was feeling sleepy again. He turned on Viggo’s music again, and just let the calming sounds lull him. He was asleep again before he even realised it.

 

15 hours into the flight

 

Sean had been asleep for 5 hours when he heard the announcement that they were beginning there decent. He knew it was too soon for him to be in New Zealand so this must be for their re-fueling stop. He hated flight this long, because it meant he had to deal with take-off and landing twice in one trip. Landing was better than takeoff because he knew that he was on his way to solid ground and for that he was always thankful.

 

Bangok Airport

 

As soon as he was off the plane he breathed a sigh of relief and headed straight for the smoking rooms.They were actuall rooms, with doors and walls, making sure all the smokers kept their cancer inducing fumes away from everyone else. Sean didn’t care. It meant he could passive smoke inbetween drags. He inhaled deeply and felt the pleasure of the nicotine. He had about 4 cigarettes in sucsession, made himself feel a little dizzy, then headed back to begin his flying routine all over again.

 

20 hours into the flight

 

Sean was becoming a bit unglued. He was nearing his limit of a calm flight. He could feel the tension creeping in and was becoming agitated. Nothing seemed to calm him so decided he would taking one sleeping pill to help him doze. With only about 5-6 hours left, he was going to try and sleep. If he didn’t, he would end up drinking and that was not a good idea, because once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop and he’d end up pissed.

 

Decending into Wellington, New Zealand,

 

Sean woke when he heard the stewardess annoucing their decent into Wellington. Sean could’ve screamed with joy. He stretched a bit to get some of the stiffness out. He couldn’t believe how much he’d slept. He felt great. The flight, though with some tense, stressful moments, was actually pretty good. The fact that he managed to handle it without resorting to alcohol, or too much medication made him feel fantastic. Just this final landing and he was home. He took out the photos again and just looked at the picture of Viggo. He felt himself smile fondly and he traced the outline of his face with this thumb and just felt happy. He put everything back in his bag, except the charm necklace, which he kept wrapped around his hand and wrist, sat back, closed his eyes and let his thoughts of seeing Viggo soothe him during landing.

Comments

[rifleman-s.livejournal.com]

What a fantastic description of a 'traumatic' flight . . . *pets Sean for doing so well*

"As usual, Sean believed everything Viggo said and agreed to try." How delightful!

I'm enjoying this so much and am really looking forward to the reunion scene!!!

[snuffle007.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much.

The reunion scene is being written as I speak...sort of!

I'm pleased that Sean did so well too!!! I hate flying to Australia. Done it a couple of times. I do apologise if the time frame is off. I've never been to New Zealand so had to guess a little. Also, I don't know if they stop over in Bangok either...kinda made that up.

More on the way soon!

[foxrafer.livejournal.com]

Poor Sean. I just want to hold him and make it all better! I really like how you describe how just thinking about Viggo and hearing his music and holding his charms has such a calming effect on Sean. Really sweet.

[snuffle007.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I always think that Sean is actually very romantic and emotional...underneath his sometimes gruff exterior. Especially with Viggo as an influence!

I also wanted to show the deep connection these two have!!! I'm glad it came across like that!

Aww...

[slashorama.livejournal.com]

I love to fly, but even for me the flights to and from Australia were both maddening and draining. You captured that well. As for Sean's rituals, I could picture them perfectly. Well done.

Re: Aww...

[snuffle007.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh...thanks. I took from experience. On a flight to Australia I was sitting next to a man who did very similar things. I'm an ok flying...hate take off and landing though!

Flying to Australia is...awful! Long, draining and I too feel like I will go insane trapped on the plane, needing a cigarette, needing to breathe fresh air, needing to walk...aaaggghhhh!

Anyway...reunion on the way...shouldn't be long. I'm doing some re-writes...my first draft didn't feel right.

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you like this!