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Jan. 5th, 2008 09:21 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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rugbytackleTitle : The Saga of Terry the Terrible – an everyday story of rape and pillage 1-2
Pairing : Terry/Sean/Viggo
Rating : R
Warning : het, AU, humor
Author :![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mooms (Terry/Viggo) & govi20 (Terry/Sean)
A.N. Terry is a dear friend and forum moderator of ours. In anticipation of Sean playing a Viking in his next film, she wanted a Viking name of her own. We provide her with that in this fic. Terry is also a fierce member of the Het Resistance and doesn´t like us slashing the boys. Well in this fic we all get what we want. This is really a crazy fic, written just for fun, and we are both aware that out historical references are tottally wrong ! As said just fun, that´s all !
DISCLAIMER : WRITTEN FOR FUN, NOT FOR PROFIT. ALL DIRTY LIES !
The Saga of Terry the Terrible – an everyday story of rape and pillage.
Part 1/2
Terry the Terrible
They call me Terry the Terrible, but not for the reasons you might suspect. Oh, I can be as fierce in attacking the enemy as every other Viking woman, I’ll tell you that, but that’s not why they gave me that name.
Everyone in this small village thinks I need to marry, and settle down. It’s not that I have anything against the idea, it’s just that there’s no man here that I would like to snuggle with under a bearskin. The available men here all so boring.
So they sent out messages to other villages, and since my family has a lot of land and other possessions, there were a lot of candidates. I’ve seen them all in an endless parade.. Frodo the Blue Eyed, Sam the Overweight, Pippin the Small, Merry the Meek, David the Dithering, Craig the Cowardly, Gandalf the Gay and Orlando the Pretty…. boring as hell!
I found flaws in each and every one, and that’s why they gave me that name. This morning our leader, Bilbo the Bold, told me there would be two more visitors, and he made very clear there’s no escaping this time! I have to pick one of them, or he will force me to marry Sauron, my next door neighbour. Sauron is old, has only one eye – even though it’s huge – bad temper and bad breath. So I will have to pick one of those guys that will arrive soon.
Viggo the Vigorous or Sean the Sexy - the names don’t sound bad, but I still have to see them first. Just in case they do look like their names promise, I decide to braid my hair, and put my newest dress on. A girl can dream, even a Viking girl.
Sean the Sexy
It has been foul weather all along the trip, but I don’t care. I love being on the ship, I like the feeling of going somewhere. I love to go to war, fight, pillage and plunder. Even though there won’t be much of that this time. My father told me it was time for me to marry, and he found some girl for me at the far end of the land, so that’s where I am heading. Her family is willing to offer a lot of goods to the man marrying her, and they seem rather desperate. She must be ugly as hell or bloody difficult.
Well, whatever, I’ll still charm her. I’ll show her what my name is about. Marriage won’t change my life too much, I will be gone a lot just like always. I am a Viking, and I sail around the world, doing what I am best at, pillaging and savaging. Ha!
But there’s another man who wants to marry this Terry woman. I’ve never met him, but I’ve heard rumours about him. Viggo the Vigorous they call him, and he seems to live up to that name. I have yet to meet the first man I am scared of though, so I am looking forward to meeting him. If he can hold his drink we could even be friends, no matter which one of us that Terry woman picks. But if he’d rather fight me, that’s fine with me too. I’ll kick his arse and then have a few pints of ale with him.
We have been at sea for a little less than two days, and I know we will be there soon. I hope to get this over with soon, marry her, let her pack her belongings, which will be mine by then, and sail back home. I hope she can cook, I am always hungry, and I never say no to a nice roasted wild boar.
Terry the Terrible
Well I am determined to impress them, so even brought forward my annual spring bath and that ice on the water butt takes some breaking, I can tell you.
As my butt won’t quite fit into that butt, I have the slaves pour the water into my bath. Well, it’s actually the feeding trough for the livestock, but oatmeal is good for my skin. Not sure about the cabbage tops and carrot peelings, though. Of course it is a little cold, but we Viking maidens are of hardy stock. Naturally, when I emerge, my nipples are so perky that you could hang a helmet on them, but I tell them “down girls” and soon put on my velvet gown to subdue them a little and just as my hair braids are finished, I hear the coastguard calling that two sails have been sighted.
Be still my beating heart, I think, as I rush to the headland and look out to sea.
The two ships are proudly riding the waves like two noble stallions racing. One has a blue sail, with a big red V on it. I guess that this must be Viggo the Vigorous and only hope that he can live up to his advertising.
The other has a green sail with a strange device. I curse the fact that the telescope has yet to be invented, because from here I could swear that it looks like ……no, silly me, it must be a giant peach ! I wonder what the significance of such a symbol may be for Sean the Sexy.
Viggo the Vigorous
I am standing proudly at the prow of my sea-steed, as it gallops along the whale-road, Viggo the Vigorous a bold feeder of ravens, which is to say, warrior.
Sorry, but I am also a skald, or poet-musician and we have to talk this way, as it’s in the contract. Strangely, my spoken poetry seems to be much more popular than my music, which I do not understand.
Today I am sailing to meet a woman my family wishes me to marry. Her name is Terry the Terrible, which frankly doesn’t inspire! There were no details on her resumé, other than that her family are willing to give much land and gold in her dowry and even throw in a couple of sheep. It sounds as if they want to get rid of her, to be honest, but the loot is an incentive to my father. It would be nice to do something to please him for a change but I could end up hitched to some evil witch.
One of the best things about being a Viking though, is that you get to on long sea trips, so if she turns out to be a screaming harridan, I will mostly be far enough away not to hear her.
I have a rival for her hand and I see his sail as we near land. I know him by repute, a fierce warrior and a heavy drinker, with a high opinion of himself. By all accounts, women fall at his feet and it is said that many believe the sun shines forth from his sacred………By Odin, it must be true, for see, his sail bears such as his crest !
He will prove a worthy opponent, but I shall, of course defeat him!
Terry the Terrible
Already the two men seem to be in contest, it’s obvious each one of them wants to set foot on land first. I try to look unimpressed, but straighten my stance, and arch my back, so my proud breasts will be the first thing they see of me. I know all men love big breasts.
The ships haven’t even been secured when from each ship a man jumps. I must say I am rather pleased with what I see. They both have strong faces, and strong bodies, and I shiver in anticipation, when I think about the wedding night. Why oh why can’t I have them both? It would be nice to have one on each side to keep me warm.
One of them bows. This must be Viggo the Vigorous, who seems to be more civilized, from what I’ve heard. He writes poems too and he sings, even though some say one song from him is enough to make the dogs howl. He looks temping though and my breasts swell even more.
The other one steps forward, and I shrink back from his obvious plan to kiss me. That is very cheeky, even for a Viking! But then my eyes fall on the size of his hands as they reach out to grab me by the shoulders and I shiver in delight.
He smiles at me and for a moment my knees buckle, by Odin that man knows how to smile! He plants a kiss on both my cheeks and I blush.
“I am Sean the Sexy,” he roars with a strange accent, “and I am here to marry you and take you with me!”
The other man - Viggo - has stepped up behind him, and bows again. He grabs my hand, and presses a soft kiss on it. Now this man knows how to greet a Viking Lady!
“I am Viggo the Vigorous,” he says, and both men throw appraising glances at each other.
By Thor, they both look delicious, how am I to choose?
Sean the Sexy
From afar I can see the figure of the woman waiting for us. Mmmm.. nice big tits! I like have my hands full. Now try to get to her first, I think, ordering my men to go faster. It’s hard to say who wins our little contest, and we both jump over the rail, which never fails to impress a maiden. I do hope she’s a pure maiden, I love teaching women how to please a man – me!
The other man is still bowing when I am almost nose to nose with my future bride. I grab her by the shoulders, and kiss her firmly on the rosy cheeks, stealing a glance over her shoulder towards the other cheeks. Not bad at all! Not as good as mine of course, I think, while I look back at the proof on the sail of my ship.
.
At first she seems rather startled, but then I can feel her weaken under my hands. As I said my name doesn’t come from nowhere! Suddenly Viggo stands beside me, and kisses Terry’s hand. Coy bastard!
I look him over, and I must hand it to him, he does look fierce! Never saw that type of helmet before. It’s rather different, but not prissy, like the one that Orlando the Pretty wore when I met him last year! Still, mine’s got gems in it.
He’s one hell of a good looking Viking all together, and I wouldn’t mind a little wrestle, just for fun and to see which one of us is the toughest.
I clap him on the back, which makes him cough, and smile at him.
“May the best Viking win this maiden,” I say, “now how about you and I have a drink ? “
“I was just about to sing a song of praise for Terry, “ he says, but then the village welcoming committee, who were waiting a few steps behind, proceed forward, somewhat sharpish.
“Time enough for that later,” says an older man with a long grey beard. “Let’s have a drink in the Valhalla Bar first.”
Terry the Terrible
My, what a lucky maiden I am with two husky warriors to choose from. I think I am going to have to sample them both first! I mean you don’t buy fruit without tasting, so I can’t be expected to agree to wed one of them without a little nibble.
I don’t know why I thought of fruit then. Must be that picture on Sean’s sail, but that still looks more like……….Anyway, it will be nice to flirt with them over a drink and Sean is certainly keen to begin the feasting once they have sized each other up, the way warriors do.
Viggo hesitates and talks of a song, then before we know what is happening, Bilbo and the other elders hustle us into the Valhalla Mead Hall (private parties catered for) without further ceremony.
The tables and benches are ready for us, the drinking horns prepared and huge pitchers of a strong brew waiting. I smile at the glares of envy from the other maidens as I enter with my proud fighters. I will sit between them, a rose between two mighty oaks and work my womanly wiles!
Well really! Sean has out-manoeuvered me and managed to sit in the middle. I supposed he learnt those tactics on the battlefield. It is thrilling that he is trying to keep me for himself, but flattered as I am, I am used to getting my own way and I am almost tempted to stamp my foot, but he winks at me so cheekily and curls those long fingers around his prodigious horn, so I cannot be angry with him. I have never seen such a big one and I am about to tell him so, when Viggo speaks from the other side and takes the words from my mouth!
Viggo the Vigorous
Our wave-stallions, sorry, longboats -sometimes I just can’t help myself-, beach at much the same time and I vault vigorously over the side and seize the maiden’s hand, bowing to kiss it. I find a mixture of raw masculine virility and sensitivity works like a dream, as few Vikings are as in touch with their feminine side as I am and the maidens are impressed.
Talking of raw masculine virility, this Sean the Sexy does not belie his name. He has boldly grabbed the maiden and kissed her on her cheeks. She seems surprised, but gratified and I don’t blame her.
We eye each other up, two warriors assessing each other and I cannot help but admire his well-muscled body. I wouldn’t mind wrestling him to the ground and testing his prowess.
The maiden is not too bad either, a nice well-rounded armful. The nights are cold here in the North and a man needs something substantial to warm his feet on.
Sean thumps me challengingly on the back in warrior fashion and suggests we go for a drink. I explain that I was planning to sing a song and suddenly, the village elders, spring into action and sweep us swiftly into the local alehouse. I have noticed that seems to happen a lot, but never mind, I enjoy the mead bench as much as the next Viking.
In this case, Sean happens to be the next Viking, as he squeezes next to me and we sit thigh to thigh on the bench, in spite of Terry’s efforts to get between us. She doesn’t look very pleased, but I hardly notice, as I am impressed by the way he handles his horn.
“Sean the Sexy, thou hast a mighty horn there and I wager its deeds are sung of in many a hall!”
He winks at me, grips my thigh in his big, strong hand and tilts the horn, pouring the mead down his throat without apparently swallowing to chants from his comrades of “down in one, down in one.”
Terry the Terrible
Well, these supposed rivals seem to get along pretty well, and I start wondering if that means I can have them both. I watch Sean’s big hand squeeze Viggo’s thigh – shouldn’t that hand be on my thigh instead? Of course I would bat it away in a proper maiden’s gesture! – while he effortlessly gulps down the brew from his huge horn. His men encourage him and so do Bilbo and the others, after a moment.
I look at Viggo expectantly and he doesn’t let me down, but lifts his horn and imitates Sean’s way of dealing with it. Of course he can’t reach my thigh, so instead his hand lands high upon Sean’s muscled one.
Now every maiden in here surely hates me, and I blush in triumph! But nice as it is, I still want a little more proof of their masculinity and virility! So I stand up, smile at both warriors and give them a challenge I have just managed to think of.
“Viggo the Vigorous and Sean the Sexy, that was truly amazing. Now I am very curious to see which one of you is the best. The one who empties his horn first wins…. a real kiss on the lips from me!”
A wild cheer spreads across the room, even though Bilbo frowns at me, but I ignore that. The horns are filled again and both men lift them, waiting for my signal. I make a dramatic gesture – which I know makes me look appealing – I throw my hands up while counting... one, two, three...GO !!!
I watch their strong arms, and the muscles working in their throats, and to be honest I don’t give a helmet who was first. They both look at me expectantly, drying their mouths on their arms.
“Oh Freya,” I say, batting my eyelashes, “that was too close to call; I guess I will have to kiss you both. Well, what needs to be done, needs to be done.” I step up close to Viggo and offer him my mouth.
Sean the Sexy
I manage to get myself in the middle. I like being the centre of things, and as nice as this Terry looks, it’s time for a drink now. Drinking is something for men, serious drinking that is, and I do take drinking seriously. I notice Terry looking a bit sour, but I wink at her and then she smiles again. She’ll be easy to handle once I’ve got her under the furs! Piece of knäckebrod!
Both she and Viggo seem pretty impressed about how I handle my horn, and I knead Viggo’s thigh fondly while giving my show. I like him! I like him even better when he mirrors my actions. I like a man to be up to a challenge.
Next thing we know Terry asks us to compete, and I can’t help feeling she’s a bit too cheeky for a maiden. Still, it’s probably nothing that can’t be straightened out by a few evening spankings. I wouldn’t mind giving that arse a nice pinkish glow!
But for now I pick up my horn again, and wait for her sigh. A kiss is a kiss, but I know mine are special, and could easily lead to more. It’s only fair that the man marrying her – and I still think that will be me – has bit of a taste. You don’t want to buy a cat in a sack do you, and those tits could be false, some balled up straw or something. Most men don’t like to end up with hands full of straw, and I am no exception. I didn’t much like the experience with that Pamela the Anderson’s Vixen!
We both drink and I am pretty certain I won, but I give in as Terry says she will kiss us both. She steps up to Viggo, and I must say I am pretty impressed by his technique! He certainly is a vigorous snogger! Terry blushers, moans and pants, and I know I will give my very best to top Viggo’s performance. When he finally lets go of her, she sways on her feet, and I grab her arm to steady her.
I lean in to both of them and wink, dropping my voice to a whisper.
“How about you showing Viggo and me your cottage, Terry, after kissing me?”
A wealthy girl like her must have room enough to entertain two warriors I should think!
Terry the Terrible
Viggo responds most vigorously to my offer and doesn’t disappoint! He grabs me in his strong, wiry arms and holds me tightly. I part my maidenly lips (not those lips, silly, the ones on my face) as his long and muscular tongue demands entrance. I practically swoon as he snogs me almost senseless.
We have to surface for breath and I barely have time to catch mine, before I find Sean’s hand on my arm and a very sinful voice growling in my ear that he wants me to show them both my cottage.
A shiver runs down my spine and I am about to agree, when I find myself in Sean the Sexy’s arms, not so wiry as Viggo’s, but equally strong. He took my agreement for granted, which is a little annoying, as I am a strong-minded woman and no push-over, as they will find out. Right now, though, I couldn’t care less, because Sean is pillaging my mouth most forcefully.
When he finally releases me, with a smug grin, I am panting and my bosom is heaving beneath my gown. They exchange appreciative glances at each other, clearly admiring each other’s techniques, then at my undulating charms, which also seem to impress, if those bulges under their hairy britches are anything to judge by.
Time to do some serious comparing, I feel and I turn to Bilbo and declare that we will retire to my cottage immediately.
“But this will not do,” he says, affronted”’Tis is not seemly that a gentle, sheltered virgin should be alone, unchaperoned with two lusty warriors.”
At the words “sheltered virgin” a burst of most unseemly sniggering breaks out among the assembled host and I have to silence it with a steely glare. I turn on my heel and as I sweep from the room with my warriors following I turn and say,
“Fuck you, Bilbo! Never forget that I am a lady!”
Viggo the Vigorous
Well this Terry is certainly some gal and quite a handful of woman! Claiming that she cannot judge between us in the drink-off, she requests that we both kiss her.
I get in there first, as she turns my way and give her the benefit of my long, prehensile tongue, always so popular with the girls. As I concentrate on driving her senseless with my passionate kiss, I close my eyes and find that I am picturing Sean the Sexy in her place, which adds considerable oomph to my performance.
It also causes movement in my breeches and when I finally release her, I have to adjust myself surreptitiously. To my increased excitement, Sean takes her arm and whispers to us both that she should show us her cottage. His deep, husky voice goes straight to my groin and I fear that the elders will suspect me of trying to smuggle a drinking horn out of the hall.
He steps in for his kiss and I watch hungrily from the sidelines as he ravishes her mouth. Terry clearly enjoys his attentions as her bosom heaves like two bald men fighting in a sack. No padding there, I’ll wager!
When he releases her, both of them flushed and panting, I catch his eye and we exchange congratulatory glances. Then we both turn and admire Terry’s charms. I can’t help but notice that Sean is nursing a matching bulge to mine and Terry has noticed, too.
She leads us from the hall, throwing a retort back to the village elder worthy of the toughest Viking. As we follow her undulating ass through the deserted street, I ponder on the reaction to the “sheltered virgin” comment.
Although ravishing virgins is in the job description for us Vikings, they are so few and far between these days as to constitute mythical beasts, but a strong, experienced woman now, that’s a challenge.
We could be in for a fun night, I think, as we reach her door. Sean grins at me and digs me heartily in the ribs with his elbow, as we step inside.
We both grunt as the breath is knocked from us. Terry has hidden behind the door and pushed us both onto her pile of furs. She pulls down the heavy bolt of wood to bar the door and turns to us with a predatory look as she begins to divest herself of her gown and let loose her flowing hair.
tbc
Pairing : Terry/Sean/Viggo
Rating : R
Warning : het, AU, humor
Author :
mooms (Terry/Viggo) & govi20 (Terry/Sean) A.N. Terry is a dear friend and forum moderator of ours. In anticipation of Sean playing a Viking in his next film, she wanted a Viking name of her own. We provide her with that in this fic. Terry is also a fierce member of the Het Resistance and doesn´t like us slashing the boys. Well in this fic we all get what we want. This is really a crazy fic, written just for fun, and we are both aware that out historical references are tottally wrong ! As said just fun, that´s all !
DISCLAIMER : WRITTEN FOR FUN, NOT FOR PROFIT. ALL DIRTY LIES !
The Saga of Terry the Terrible – an everyday story of rape and pillage.
Part 1/2
Terry the Terrible
They call me Terry the Terrible, but not for the reasons you might suspect. Oh, I can be as fierce in attacking the enemy as every other Viking woman, I’ll tell you that, but that’s not why they gave me that name.
Everyone in this small village thinks I need to marry, and settle down. It’s not that I have anything against the idea, it’s just that there’s no man here that I would like to snuggle with under a bearskin. The available men here all so boring.
So they sent out messages to other villages, and since my family has a lot of land and other possessions, there were a lot of candidates. I’ve seen them all in an endless parade.. Frodo the Blue Eyed, Sam the Overweight, Pippin the Small, Merry the Meek, David the Dithering, Craig the Cowardly, Gandalf the Gay and Orlando the Pretty…. boring as hell!
I found flaws in each and every one, and that’s why they gave me that name. This morning our leader, Bilbo the Bold, told me there would be two more visitors, and he made very clear there’s no escaping this time! I have to pick one of them, or he will force me to marry Sauron, my next door neighbour. Sauron is old, has only one eye – even though it’s huge – bad temper and bad breath. So I will have to pick one of those guys that will arrive soon.
Viggo the Vigorous or Sean the Sexy - the names don’t sound bad, but I still have to see them first. Just in case they do look like their names promise, I decide to braid my hair, and put my newest dress on. A girl can dream, even a Viking girl.
Sean the Sexy
It has been foul weather all along the trip, but I don’t care. I love being on the ship, I like the feeling of going somewhere. I love to go to war, fight, pillage and plunder. Even though there won’t be much of that this time. My father told me it was time for me to marry, and he found some girl for me at the far end of the land, so that’s where I am heading. Her family is willing to offer a lot of goods to the man marrying her, and they seem rather desperate. She must be ugly as hell or bloody difficult.
Well, whatever, I’ll still charm her. I’ll show her what my name is about. Marriage won’t change my life too much, I will be gone a lot just like always. I am a Viking, and I sail around the world, doing what I am best at, pillaging and savaging. Ha!
But there’s another man who wants to marry this Terry woman. I’ve never met him, but I’ve heard rumours about him. Viggo the Vigorous they call him, and he seems to live up to that name. I have yet to meet the first man I am scared of though, so I am looking forward to meeting him. If he can hold his drink we could even be friends, no matter which one of us that Terry woman picks. But if he’d rather fight me, that’s fine with me too. I’ll kick his arse and then have a few pints of ale with him.
We have been at sea for a little less than two days, and I know we will be there soon. I hope to get this over with soon, marry her, let her pack her belongings, which will be mine by then, and sail back home. I hope she can cook, I am always hungry, and I never say no to a nice roasted wild boar.
Terry the Terrible
Well I am determined to impress them, so even brought forward my annual spring bath and that ice on the water butt takes some breaking, I can tell you.
As my butt won’t quite fit into that butt, I have the slaves pour the water into my bath. Well, it’s actually the feeding trough for the livestock, but oatmeal is good for my skin. Not sure about the cabbage tops and carrot peelings, though. Of course it is a little cold, but we Viking maidens are of hardy stock. Naturally, when I emerge, my nipples are so perky that you could hang a helmet on them, but I tell them “down girls” and soon put on my velvet gown to subdue them a little and just as my hair braids are finished, I hear the coastguard calling that two sails have been sighted.
Be still my beating heart, I think, as I rush to the headland and look out to sea.
The two ships are proudly riding the waves like two noble stallions racing. One has a blue sail, with a big red V on it. I guess that this must be Viggo the Vigorous and only hope that he can live up to his advertising.
The other has a green sail with a strange device. I curse the fact that the telescope has yet to be invented, because from here I could swear that it looks like ……no, silly me, it must be a giant peach ! I wonder what the significance of such a symbol may be for Sean the Sexy.
Viggo the Vigorous
I am standing proudly at the prow of my sea-steed, as it gallops along the whale-road, Viggo the Vigorous a bold feeder of ravens, which is to say, warrior.
Sorry, but I am also a skald, or poet-musician and we have to talk this way, as it’s in the contract. Strangely, my spoken poetry seems to be much more popular than my music, which I do not understand.
Today I am sailing to meet a woman my family wishes me to marry. Her name is Terry the Terrible, which frankly doesn’t inspire! There were no details on her resumé, other than that her family are willing to give much land and gold in her dowry and even throw in a couple of sheep. It sounds as if they want to get rid of her, to be honest, but the loot is an incentive to my father. It would be nice to do something to please him for a change but I could end up hitched to some evil witch.
One of the best things about being a Viking though, is that you get to on long sea trips, so if she turns out to be a screaming harridan, I will mostly be far enough away not to hear her.
I have a rival for her hand and I see his sail as we near land. I know him by repute, a fierce warrior and a heavy drinker, with a high opinion of himself. By all accounts, women fall at his feet and it is said that many believe the sun shines forth from his sacred………By Odin, it must be true, for see, his sail bears such as his crest !
He will prove a worthy opponent, but I shall, of course defeat him!
Terry the Terrible
Already the two men seem to be in contest, it’s obvious each one of them wants to set foot on land first. I try to look unimpressed, but straighten my stance, and arch my back, so my proud breasts will be the first thing they see of me. I know all men love big breasts.
The ships haven’t even been secured when from each ship a man jumps. I must say I am rather pleased with what I see. They both have strong faces, and strong bodies, and I shiver in anticipation, when I think about the wedding night. Why oh why can’t I have them both? It would be nice to have one on each side to keep me warm.
One of them bows. This must be Viggo the Vigorous, who seems to be more civilized, from what I’ve heard. He writes poems too and he sings, even though some say one song from him is enough to make the dogs howl. He looks temping though and my breasts swell even more.
The other one steps forward, and I shrink back from his obvious plan to kiss me. That is very cheeky, even for a Viking! But then my eyes fall on the size of his hands as they reach out to grab me by the shoulders and I shiver in delight.
He smiles at me and for a moment my knees buckle, by Odin that man knows how to smile! He plants a kiss on both my cheeks and I blush.
“I am Sean the Sexy,” he roars with a strange accent, “and I am here to marry you and take you with me!”
The other man - Viggo - has stepped up behind him, and bows again. He grabs my hand, and presses a soft kiss on it. Now this man knows how to greet a Viking Lady!
“I am Viggo the Vigorous,” he says, and both men throw appraising glances at each other.
By Thor, they both look delicious, how am I to choose?
Sean the Sexy
From afar I can see the figure of the woman waiting for us. Mmmm.. nice big tits! I like have my hands full. Now try to get to her first, I think, ordering my men to go faster. It’s hard to say who wins our little contest, and we both jump over the rail, which never fails to impress a maiden. I do hope she’s a pure maiden, I love teaching women how to please a man – me!
The other man is still bowing when I am almost nose to nose with my future bride. I grab her by the shoulders, and kiss her firmly on the rosy cheeks, stealing a glance over her shoulder towards the other cheeks. Not bad at all! Not as good as mine of course, I think, while I look back at the proof on the sail of my ship.
.
At first she seems rather startled, but then I can feel her weaken under my hands. As I said my name doesn’t come from nowhere! Suddenly Viggo stands beside me, and kisses Terry’s hand. Coy bastard!
I look him over, and I must hand it to him, he does look fierce! Never saw that type of helmet before. It’s rather different, but not prissy, like the one that Orlando the Pretty wore when I met him last year! Still, mine’s got gems in it.
He’s one hell of a good looking Viking all together, and I wouldn’t mind a little wrestle, just for fun and to see which one of us is the toughest.
I clap him on the back, which makes him cough, and smile at him.
“May the best Viking win this maiden,” I say, “now how about you and I have a drink ? “
“I was just about to sing a song of praise for Terry, “ he says, but then the village welcoming committee, who were waiting a few steps behind, proceed forward, somewhat sharpish.
“Time enough for that later,” says an older man with a long grey beard. “Let’s have a drink in the Valhalla Bar first.”
Terry the Terrible
My, what a lucky maiden I am with two husky warriors to choose from. I think I am going to have to sample them both first! I mean you don’t buy fruit without tasting, so I can’t be expected to agree to wed one of them without a little nibble.
I don’t know why I thought of fruit then. Must be that picture on Sean’s sail, but that still looks more like……….Anyway, it will be nice to flirt with them over a drink and Sean is certainly keen to begin the feasting once they have sized each other up, the way warriors do.
Viggo hesitates and talks of a song, then before we know what is happening, Bilbo and the other elders hustle us into the Valhalla Mead Hall (private parties catered for) without further ceremony.
The tables and benches are ready for us, the drinking horns prepared and huge pitchers of a strong brew waiting. I smile at the glares of envy from the other maidens as I enter with my proud fighters. I will sit between them, a rose between two mighty oaks and work my womanly wiles!
Well really! Sean has out-manoeuvered me and managed to sit in the middle. I supposed he learnt those tactics on the battlefield. It is thrilling that he is trying to keep me for himself, but flattered as I am, I am used to getting my own way and I am almost tempted to stamp my foot, but he winks at me so cheekily and curls those long fingers around his prodigious horn, so I cannot be angry with him. I have never seen such a big one and I am about to tell him so, when Viggo speaks from the other side and takes the words from my mouth!
Viggo the Vigorous
Our wave-stallions, sorry, longboats -sometimes I just can’t help myself-, beach at much the same time and I vault vigorously over the side and seize the maiden’s hand, bowing to kiss it. I find a mixture of raw masculine virility and sensitivity works like a dream, as few Vikings are as in touch with their feminine side as I am and the maidens are impressed.
Talking of raw masculine virility, this Sean the Sexy does not belie his name. He has boldly grabbed the maiden and kissed her on her cheeks. She seems surprised, but gratified and I don’t blame her.
We eye each other up, two warriors assessing each other and I cannot help but admire his well-muscled body. I wouldn’t mind wrestling him to the ground and testing his prowess.
The maiden is not too bad either, a nice well-rounded armful. The nights are cold here in the North and a man needs something substantial to warm his feet on.
Sean thumps me challengingly on the back in warrior fashion and suggests we go for a drink. I explain that I was planning to sing a song and suddenly, the village elders, spring into action and sweep us swiftly into the local alehouse. I have noticed that seems to happen a lot, but never mind, I enjoy the mead bench as much as the next Viking.
In this case, Sean happens to be the next Viking, as he squeezes next to me and we sit thigh to thigh on the bench, in spite of Terry’s efforts to get between us. She doesn’t look very pleased, but I hardly notice, as I am impressed by the way he handles his horn.
“Sean the Sexy, thou hast a mighty horn there and I wager its deeds are sung of in many a hall!”
He winks at me, grips my thigh in his big, strong hand and tilts the horn, pouring the mead down his throat without apparently swallowing to chants from his comrades of “down in one, down in one.”
Terry the Terrible
Well, these supposed rivals seem to get along pretty well, and I start wondering if that means I can have them both. I watch Sean’s big hand squeeze Viggo’s thigh – shouldn’t that hand be on my thigh instead? Of course I would bat it away in a proper maiden’s gesture! – while he effortlessly gulps down the brew from his huge horn. His men encourage him and so do Bilbo and the others, after a moment.
I look at Viggo expectantly and he doesn’t let me down, but lifts his horn and imitates Sean’s way of dealing with it. Of course he can’t reach my thigh, so instead his hand lands high upon Sean’s muscled one.
Now every maiden in here surely hates me, and I blush in triumph! But nice as it is, I still want a little more proof of their masculinity and virility! So I stand up, smile at both warriors and give them a challenge I have just managed to think of.
“Viggo the Vigorous and Sean the Sexy, that was truly amazing. Now I am very curious to see which one of you is the best. The one who empties his horn first wins…. a real kiss on the lips from me!”
A wild cheer spreads across the room, even though Bilbo frowns at me, but I ignore that. The horns are filled again and both men lift them, waiting for my signal. I make a dramatic gesture – which I know makes me look appealing – I throw my hands up while counting... one, two, three...GO !!!
I watch their strong arms, and the muscles working in their throats, and to be honest I don’t give a helmet who was first. They both look at me expectantly, drying their mouths on their arms.
“Oh Freya,” I say, batting my eyelashes, “that was too close to call; I guess I will have to kiss you both. Well, what needs to be done, needs to be done.” I step up close to Viggo and offer him my mouth.
Sean the Sexy
I manage to get myself in the middle. I like being the centre of things, and as nice as this Terry looks, it’s time for a drink now. Drinking is something for men, serious drinking that is, and I do take drinking seriously. I notice Terry looking a bit sour, but I wink at her and then she smiles again. She’ll be easy to handle once I’ve got her under the furs! Piece of knäckebrod!
Both she and Viggo seem pretty impressed about how I handle my horn, and I knead Viggo’s thigh fondly while giving my show. I like him! I like him even better when he mirrors my actions. I like a man to be up to a challenge.
Next thing we know Terry asks us to compete, and I can’t help feeling she’s a bit too cheeky for a maiden. Still, it’s probably nothing that can’t be straightened out by a few evening spankings. I wouldn’t mind giving that arse a nice pinkish glow!
But for now I pick up my horn again, and wait for her sigh. A kiss is a kiss, but I know mine are special, and could easily lead to more. It’s only fair that the man marrying her – and I still think that will be me – has bit of a taste. You don’t want to buy a cat in a sack do you, and those tits could be false, some balled up straw or something. Most men don’t like to end up with hands full of straw, and I am no exception. I didn’t much like the experience with that Pamela the Anderson’s Vixen!
We both drink and I am pretty certain I won, but I give in as Terry says she will kiss us both. She steps up to Viggo, and I must say I am pretty impressed by his technique! He certainly is a vigorous snogger! Terry blushers, moans and pants, and I know I will give my very best to top Viggo’s performance. When he finally lets go of her, she sways on her feet, and I grab her arm to steady her.
I lean in to both of them and wink, dropping my voice to a whisper.
“How about you showing Viggo and me your cottage, Terry, after kissing me?”
A wealthy girl like her must have room enough to entertain two warriors I should think!
Terry the Terrible
Viggo responds most vigorously to my offer and doesn’t disappoint! He grabs me in his strong, wiry arms and holds me tightly. I part my maidenly lips (not those lips, silly, the ones on my face) as his long and muscular tongue demands entrance. I practically swoon as he snogs me almost senseless.
We have to surface for breath and I barely have time to catch mine, before I find Sean’s hand on my arm and a very sinful voice growling in my ear that he wants me to show them both my cottage.
A shiver runs down my spine and I am about to agree, when I find myself in Sean the Sexy’s arms, not so wiry as Viggo’s, but equally strong. He took my agreement for granted, which is a little annoying, as I am a strong-minded woman and no push-over, as they will find out. Right now, though, I couldn’t care less, because Sean is pillaging my mouth most forcefully.
When he finally releases me, with a smug grin, I am panting and my bosom is heaving beneath my gown. They exchange appreciative glances at each other, clearly admiring each other’s techniques, then at my undulating charms, which also seem to impress, if those bulges under their hairy britches are anything to judge by.
Time to do some serious comparing, I feel and I turn to Bilbo and declare that we will retire to my cottage immediately.
“But this will not do,” he says, affronted”’Tis is not seemly that a gentle, sheltered virgin should be alone, unchaperoned with two lusty warriors.”
At the words “sheltered virgin” a burst of most unseemly sniggering breaks out among the assembled host and I have to silence it with a steely glare. I turn on my heel and as I sweep from the room with my warriors following I turn and say,
“Fuck you, Bilbo! Never forget that I am a lady!”
Viggo the Vigorous
Well this Terry is certainly some gal and quite a handful of woman! Claiming that she cannot judge between us in the drink-off, she requests that we both kiss her.
I get in there first, as she turns my way and give her the benefit of my long, prehensile tongue, always so popular with the girls. As I concentrate on driving her senseless with my passionate kiss, I close my eyes and find that I am picturing Sean the Sexy in her place, which adds considerable oomph to my performance.
It also causes movement in my breeches and when I finally release her, I have to adjust myself surreptitiously. To my increased excitement, Sean takes her arm and whispers to us both that she should show us her cottage. His deep, husky voice goes straight to my groin and I fear that the elders will suspect me of trying to smuggle a drinking horn out of the hall.
He steps in for his kiss and I watch hungrily from the sidelines as he ravishes her mouth. Terry clearly enjoys his attentions as her bosom heaves like two bald men fighting in a sack. No padding there, I’ll wager!
When he releases her, both of them flushed and panting, I catch his eye and we exchange congratulatory glances. Then we both turn and admire Terry’s charms. I can’t help but notice that Sean is nursing a matching bulge to mine and Terry has noticed, too.
She leads us from the hall, throwing a retort back to the village elder worthy of the toughest Viking. As we follow her undulating ass through the deserted street, I ponder on the reaction to the “sheltered virgin” comment.
Although ravishing virgins is in the job description for us Vikings, they are so few and far between these days as to constitute mythical beasts, but a strong, experienced woman now, that’s a challenge.
We could be in for a fun night, I think, as we reach her door. Sean grins at me and digs me heartily in the ribs with his elbow, as we step inside.
We both grunt as the breath is knocked from us. Terry has hidden behind the door and pushed us both onto her pile of furs. She pulls down the heavy bolt of wood to bar the door and turns to us with a predatory look as she begins to divest herself of her gown and let loose her flowing hair.
tbc
no subject
Date: 2008-01-06 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-06 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-07 08:18 am (UTC)"Frodo the Blue Eyed, Sam the Overweight, Pippin the Small, Merry the Meek, David the Dithering, Craig the Cowardly, Gandalf the Gay and Orlando the Pretty..." and Sauron the one-eyed neighbour!! Brilliant!
The choice of Sean's coat-of-arms was hilarious. Can't wait to read the 'choosing' ceremony!!